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I Have a Wish List of Things Dark Brandon Should Do With His Presidential Immunity

Some people might really think that if the Supreme Court says presidents have immunity from prosecution  -- even for attempting coups -- that we're headed in the wrong direction as a country. And sure, if you're one of those libtarded cucks who thinks self-governance...
Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...

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Science & Medicine

Darwin Awards Give Lifetime Achievement Recognition to Anti-Vaxxers Who Died of COVID

Each year, the Darwin Awards are handed to some of humanity's least best and...
Science & Medicine

Doctors Renamed a Vicious Form of Bowel Cancer After a Current Member of Congress

The National Board of Naming Medical Things convened this week and afterward issued its...
Science & Medicine

Lauren Boebert Successfully Donated Six Brain Cells to MTG and Still Has Six to Spare

Doctors in Colorado are marveling at the news that a congressional representative from their...
Science & Medicine

Study of Mitch McConnell’s DNA Might Prove Existence of Racist Sperm

The National Research Labs of America published results of a new study this week...
Science & Medicine

DeSantis Politely Asked Neo-Nazi to Step Aside So He Could Scold Students Wearing Masks

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- Yesterday, Sunshine State Governor and 2021's Donald Trump Impersonator of the...
Science & Medicine

DeSantis Bans Rainbows From Appearing After Florida Rainstorms

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q) is expected to sign a bill into law when...
Science & Medicine

Marjorie Greene Has Spent So Much in Mask Fines, She Wishes Biden Was Giving Away Crack Pipes

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- No matter how much explaining the Biden White House does, it...
Science & Medicine

CDC Says It’s Now Safe to Remove Your Mask In Order Tell Ted Cruz to Fuck Himself

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- The Centers for Disease Control has issued the following update to...
Religion

Pat Robertson: God Will Warm Texas If He Stops Watching “Magic Mike” for Research Purposes Twelve Times a Week

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Living fossil and televangelist Pat Robertson often speaks to God...
Science & Medicine

Cold Texas Temperatures Signal It’s Time for Dodos to Fly South to Cancun

As it gets colder in the Lone Star State, its dodo population starts to...
Conservative Media

Should I Listen to Tucker and Stay Unvaccinated, or Shout “I’m a Big Fucking Idiot” Instead?

I'm writing this today, hoping that someone out there can help me with a...
Science & Medicine

She Will Not Comply With Vaccine Mandates, Mask Mandates, or Basic Standards of Human Hygiene

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman congressmare Marjorie Taylor Greene is, to put it bluntly, not...
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Criminal Justice

I Have a Wish List of Things Dark Brandon Should Do With His Presidential Immunity

Some people might really think that if the Supreme Court says presidents have immunity...
Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...

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