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War on Christmas

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less a long-distance relationship with your cult leader's dick?" A lot of folks online have been noticing that elected congressional Republicans have been showing up to support Donald Trump while he's put...

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that training at The New School might have paid off." Well, the stage seems to be set for at least a couple of debates between incumbent President Joe Biden and the man...

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Matt Gaetz Poses With Someone Else’s Daughters Holding AR-15’s for His Christmas Card

Never one to pass up an opportunity to join in on the fun his...

Biden Signs Presidential Declaration Stating “All Holidays Matter”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In an official signing ceremony held in the Oval Office, President...

Republican State Rep. Wants to ‘Defend Christmas’ by Outlawing ‘All Pagan Rituals and Holidays’

CORNHOLE, TEXAS -- State Rep. Tom Thompaulsen (R-TX) filed paperwork in Texas this week,...

When Will Biden Officially Cancel Christmas This Year?

Everyone knows it's coming. The former president warned us -- only he could protect the most...

Starbucks Rolls Out Hanukkah, Kwanza, Church of Satan Holiday Cups

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON -- Coffee purveyor Starbucks announced three new holiday cups will start making...

Biden Makes “Merry Christmas” Illegal Again

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Some on the right have accused President Joe Biden of being...

Horny Jesus Reminds You He’s Also the Reason for the Squeezin’

SEXXXY HEAVEN -- Horny Jesus Christ, the super-sexed-up version of the character from the...

In 5-4 Decision, Supreme Court Says Jesus Is the Reason for the Season

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. Supreme Court ruled last week, in a narrow, 5-4...

Trump Orders Additional “K” Added To Hanukkah to “Make Jew Christmas Great Again”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, in an Oval Office signing ceremony attended by American Christian...

Trump and Obama Sign Treaty Officially Ending War on Christmas

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- He may be facing an uncertain political future, and he may...

Tomi Lahren: “Non-White Portrayals of Baby Jesus Put You on Santa’s Naughty List”

With just days before Christmas, Fox News contributing racist Tabula Lahren told viewers on...

Chick-Fil-A Introduces New “Merry Christmas” Covfefe Cup

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Fast food purveyor Chick-Fil-A announced last week that all hot or...

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Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....