Should I Listen to Tucker and Stay Unvaccinated, or Shout “I’m a Big Fucking Idiot” Instead?

Published on

I’m writing this today, hoping that someone out there can help me with a little dilemma I find myself in.

For starters, you should understand that I do not like to be redundant in my life. Hell, I don’t even like repeating myself, and I especially don’t like saying basically the same thing, but in different ways! You should also know two more things about me: I’m unvaccinated against COVID-19, and I’m a big fucking idiot.

More to Read: We Know It’s Not a Brain, So What’s Inside Dan Bongino’s Enormous Skull?

Granted, some have told me that one absolutely has to do another; my idiocy and being unvaxxed, I mean.

Now, I can’t say for certain whether those folks are right, or not, but I do know one thing for sure: Tucker Carlson really doesn’t want me to get vaccinated. It’s weird, because I know that in order for him to get into the Fox News building, he has to be vaccinated, but  there must be a reason why the vaccine is good enough for him, and not for me. Prolly it has to do with the fact that he is rich, and I am not, and as we all know America is meant only for which white dudes, but who can be sure?

Now, remember, I don’t like to be redundant, or repeat myself, or be constantly rephrasing the same thing over and over again. It’s also vital for you to know what I do all day, every day. Granted, it’s not my job, per se, but it’s a niche I’ve found myself in, and I quite like it. Each day, I go out to my street corner and shout, at the top of my lungs, “I’m a big fucking idiot!”

Except, now, I’m getting the sense that I’m doing double-duty.

So, would it be better, in terms of time usage, for me to simply wear a shirt that says I’m not vaccinated, and not stand on the street, proclaiming what an idiot I am? Would it be better to get vaccinated, and then continue to shout “I’m a big fucking idiot” on the street? Frankly, I’m confused, and I could really use your help.

So, please, tell me what I should do to keep from repeating myself in some kind of redundantly reiterative way.

ALSO: Can All Right-Wing Twitter Trolls Suck Their Own Dick, or Just Glenn Greenwald?

Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

Latest articles

Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have...

I Live in Arkansas. Can My 10 Year Old Work as a Bouncer at a Drag Bar?

I moved to Arkansas before I was a father, so I can't say that...

Jesus: “Silencing Transgender People Isn’t Christian, It’s Cunty”

"I specifically told people to stop being judgmental little twatwaffles to everyone." In Montana, elected...

A Complete List of All the 2024 Presidential Candidates Currently on Trial for Rape

In New York City, a former President of the United States is being sued...