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A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that training at The New School might have paid off." Well, the stage seems to be set for at least a couple of debates between incumbent President Joe Biden and the man...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever be just a few microns away from Donald Trump's penile flesh?" Sometimes, I have to say, I just cannot believe my luck. I could never have guessed when I woke up yesterday...

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Lifestyle

Are You a Victim of Tyranny, or Being Politely Urged to Get a Life Saving Vaccine?

The COVID-19 delta variant is raging throughout America, and particularly in certain vaccine hesitant...
Lifestyle

Which Beloved Racist Mascot Are You Going to Literally Murder Next, Libs?

Editor's Note: The following op-ed was written by conservative commentator and former Republican state...
Lifestyle

Horse Faced Cave Troll Still Has Some Holocaust Comparisons to Make

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) has the distinction of being the...
Lifestyle

We Asked the American Flag If It Felt Offended By Gwen Berry’s Political Protest

This weekend, MAGA social media was incensed by the actions of a black athlete...
Lifestyle

I Don’t Know What Critical Race Theory Is, But I Know You’re Racist For Talking About It

The following editorial was written by conservative commentator and aide to former White House...
Lifestyle

Don’t Go To Sleep Before Checking Under Your Bed for Antifa, Cancel Culture, and Critical Race Theory

If you're one of the millions of Americans who is still going to bed...
Lifestyle

Giuliani Vows to Sue Any Manhattan Bar That Won’t Serve Him

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani has been kicked...
Lifestyle

Man Unsure If Critical Race Theory, Cancel Culture, or White Supremacist Violence Biggest Threat

STUPID MORON TOWN, TEXAS -- Greg Palumbo is, by his own admission a "complete...
Lifestyle

Small Government Conservative Wants Critical Race Theory Banned in Schools, Public, and Homes

REAGAN RIVER, OHIO -- For his entire life, 48-year-old William Palumbicci has professed his...
Lifestyle

Gaetz and Greene Form Qu Qlux Qlan

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) and Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) have...
Lifestyle

Greene Says She’ll Have Q-Anon Tattoos Removed Via Secret Space Laser

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) divulged to reporters today that she...
Lifestyle

Michael Flynn Can Recite the Pledge of Allegiance in Russian Without Difficulty

In Georgia this weekend, former Army General Michael Flynn had what some might consider...
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U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....
Lifestyle

Nothing Says Understanding American Freedom Like Cheering for Teenagers to Get Beaten by Cops

"...one thing I have now learned is that fascism and freedom of speech are...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)