Man Unsure If Critical Race Theory, Cancel Culture, or White Supremacist Violence Biggest Threat

Published on

STUPID MORON TOWN, TEXAS — Greg Palumbo is, by his own admission a “complete and total fucking idiot.” Mr. Palumbo’s official idiocy has been certified and licensed by the National Board of Judging Someone’s Stupidity.

Greg shows his lack of mental prowess in many ways. He was hospitalized and nearly died last year when he took another famous moron’s advice and tried to inject bleach right before he attempted to shove a UV light up his rectum to fight COVID, which he was diagnosed with after he and his family held a reunion during the height of the pandemic. He set fire to $8,000 worth of Nike merchandise he’d already purchased to protest Colin Kaepernick making him have to think about whether black people should expect to be murdered by every cop they interact with. Mr. Palumbo also believes that it’s possible Joe Biden and the Democrats stole the election from Donald Trump.


“I’m a big fucking idiot, in other words,” Palumbo told us via Skype. “Just a casual scroll through my Parler feed would prove my bonafides in that regard.”

During our conversation, Palumbo spoke about a conundrum he’s currently facing, and spoke to his podcast audience about.

“I was talking about critical race theory, and how it’s a discussion of American racism that is a threat to America,” Palumbo said, “and it hit me that maybe cancel culture is actually MORE dangerous than critical race theory. After all, I can’t turn on the TV without hearing some Republican congressman or another telling me how dangerous it is, so it must be really, really dangerous if they won’t shut up about it.”

As he was trying to figure it out, Palumbo happened to be watching a news report on white nationalist domestic terrorists. When it was over, he realized that he was perhaps even more confused than before.

“So wait, there are thousands of gunned-up white supremacists who think it’s their duty to murder Americans when they lose elections,” Palumbo asked. “Crap. That sounds like terrorism to me. And I know terrorists are the biggest threat to America, or at least they were when Bush was in office. Son of a bitch! I can’t choose!”

Mr. Palumbo said he’s “torn” between what really poses the greatest threat to the peace and stability of the nation.

“I mean, critical race theory is just a thought process, and cancel culture is an idea, but the white nationalists are actual people with actual guns and actual plans to kill people,” Palumbo wondered aloud. “Shit. This is really hard.”

Palumbo says when he figures out the answer to his question, he’ll update everyone.


Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

Latest articles

Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have...

I Live in Arkansas. Can My 10 Year Old Work as a Bouncer at a Drag Bar?

I moved to Arkansas before I was a father, so I can't say that...

Jesus: “Silencing Transgender People Isn’t Christian, It’s Cunty”

"I specifically told people to stop being judgmental little twatwaffles to everyone." In Montana, elected...

A Complete List of All the 2024 Presidential Candidates Currently on Trial for Rape

In New York City, a former President of the United States is being sued...