Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

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“Turns out, most of us don’t think about our kids before we fuck someone. That might sound odd to we Americans who have been told all our lives that presidents are not just role models, they represent all of us.”

Let he who has not told a woman she reminds us of our daughter right before we bang her, cast the first condom off the bedside table.

Yesterday, Stormy Daniels testified in Donald Trump’s New York City hush money case. It seems like so far all the evidence that the prosecution has entered, combined with the testimony of all their witnesses, has proven their case pretty well. However, one of the most talked-about portions of Daniels’ testimony came when she described in horrifyingly, gloriously hilarious detail what her sexual encounter with Trump — which lies at the heart of this case — was like.

In particular, Stormy seemed to confirm what so many of us have often felt was the case (largely due to his own words in interviews) about Trump’s feelings toward his daughter, Ivanka.

According to Daniels, Trump told her that he liked her so much because Stormy reminded the reality-TV game show host and multiple-failed businessman of Ivanka. From the public reaction, it seems like a lot of people were repulsed by that fact. However, and I can’t believe I have to even ask this question, but…

Who among us hasn’t told a woman right before we put our dick inside her that she looks like our child?

Interestingly enough, after calling about fifty people and interviewing a hundred more on the street, I can actually answer that question, I think.

Turns out, most of us don’t think about our kids before we fuck someone. That might sound odd to we Americans who have been told all our lives that presidents are not just role models, they represent all of us. Yet, everyone I talked to either said “No” or punched me in the dick when I asked them if they’d ever told a person right before they inserted their penis into them that they bore a striking resemblance to their own offspring. So it would seem that Trump, being a daughter-luster-in-chief, doesn’t really represent the core beliefs of most people.

In his defense though, and it’s always important to stay intellectually honest, I did not visit the Bible/Confederate Graveyard Belt, so there’s a large portion of Americans that I think may actually be into fucking their family. If nothing else, I know Robert E. Lee liked to fuck his horse, but as for whether he’d fuck a horse he’s related to? Hard to tell. But we can ask Marjorie Taylor Greene’s next gym rat fuckbuddy if he’s also her cousin or brother and get to the bottom of that one lickety-split.

I guess at the end of the day, the truth is that for the overwhelming majority of us, telling a sexual partner moments before we literally are inside of them that they look like our kid is disgusting. It’s revolting to most of us. We would never want a person who does that anywhere near the White House.

For about 25-30% of the population, though, the existence of queer people, people of color, and atheists are terrifying enough that daughter fucking is just fine. I guess that must be in their Bibles somewhere. In the back. Near the index.

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