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Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less a long-distance relationship with your cult leader's dick?" A lot of folks online have been noticing that elected congressional Republicans have been showing up to support Donald Trump while he's put...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that training at The New School might have paid off." Well, the stage seems to be set for at least a couple of debates between incumbent President Joe Biden and the man...

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MAGA News

Brandon Goes to the White House, Confirms Biden is Still Trump’s President

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It finally happened. After a couple of weeks of chants at...
MAGA News

Trump’s Already Got His 2024 Slogan

LAKE MORON, FLORIDA -- Though he won't need to make a decision about running...
The Democrats

Republicans Race to Defend One of Their Own After Bathroom Confrontation

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congressional Republicans have begun to close ranks and circle the wagons...
U.S. Politics

Biden Doesn’t Mind Winning AZ ‘As Many Times as It Takes Don Trump to Accept Reality’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though MAGA nation might be reeling from the results, and the...
MAGA News

Republicans Outraged Milley Showed More Loyalty to Country Than Trump’s Balls

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For decades, the American people heard a steady refrain from the...
U.S. Politics

Rip Van Winkle Worries Chuck Grassley Too Young and Inexperienced for Eighth Term

This morning, the living carbon fossil Chuck Grassley announced that he would be running...
U.S. Politics

Boebert and Greene File Articles of Impeachment Against Hunter Biden’s Laptop

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When Democrats and a handful of vertebrate Republicans impeached Donald Trump...
U.S. Politics

Local Fuckface Still Crying and Lying About Losing

FARTS-A LOT-GO, FLORIDUH -- Residents of America's Dong State are probably used to hosting...
U.S. Politics

Early Data Shows Justice for J6 Rally Drew Crowd With More Teeth Than IQ Points

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- On Saturday, organizers held the "Justice for J6" rally in the...
U.S. Politics

AZ Election Auditors Claim Nicki Minaj’s Cousin’s Friend’s Balls Switched Votes to Biden

RUBEVILLE, ARIZONA -- This week Cyber Ninjas, the company hired by the Arizona Republican...
U.S. Politics

Every Member of Congress Ranked from Smartest to Marjorie Taylor Greene

Understandably, the federal government collects and archives scores of data on the people who...
U.S. Politics

Trump Demands the Electoral College Declare Larry Elder Governor of California

FART-A LOT-GO, FLORIDUH -- Over the course of four years, Donald Trump got quite...
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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)