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Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less a long-distance relationship with your cult leader's dick?" A lot of folks online have been noticing that elected congressional Republicans have been showing up to support Donald Trump while he's put...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that training at The New School might have paid off." Well, the stage seems to be set for at least a couple of debates between incumbent President Joe Biden and the man...

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Criminal Justice

Trump Preemptively Pardons Himself for Pardoning Himself for Things He Says He Didn’t Do

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump's Russian headaches will not go away. For over a...
Criminal Justice

Robert Mueller to Hand Deliver Criminal Charges to Trump Administration Inside Dildo

"This way, one way or another you can go fuck yourself."
Criminal Justice

Cop Stops Beating Black Man Long Enough to Agree With Trump That NFL Players Are Disrespectful

"What are they even protesting, anyway?"
Criminal Justice

FBI Files Reveal JFK Link to Benghazi, Obama’s Birth Certificates, and Order 66 to Wipe Out the Jedi

"I had no idea that George Soros had Obama created out of nothing but midichlorians."
Criminal Justice

Ted Cruz Sends Trump Zodiac Symbols and Warning: “Do Not Release Those JFK Files”

"There could be very stiff, very swift consequences."
Criminal Justice

Cop Stops Beating Black Man Long Enough to Agree With Trump That NFL Players Are Disrespectful Jerks

"What are they even protesting, anyway?"
Criminal Justice

My Protest of Protests During National Anthem During the National Anthem Matters More Than Black Lives Matter

"Wasteful government spending is when you help poor families eat, not when you fly in jet planes to get fake mad at athletes protesting civil injustice."
Criminal Justice

White Woman Just Wishes Black Man Would Peacefully Request To Not Be Murdered In Some Less Noticeable Way

One white woman understands why NFL players are kneeling and even agrees with their cause, but doesn't like how they're protesting.
Criminal Justice

OJ Simpson Releases Knife Ahead of Bombshell NYT Story on Murders of Ron and Nicole

Former NFL star OJ Simpson found out about a new bombshell New York Times report and decided to be "transparent" and release possession of a knife.
Criminal Justice

Chris Christie Only Customer in Dunkin’ Donuts He Closed Due to ‘Health and Safety Concerns’

Governor Chris Christie has a 15% approval rating, and getting caught in a doughnut shop he'd closed to the public probably won't help matters much.
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Says Comey Firing Is Proof Men Are ‘Too Emotional’ To Lead Effectively

Hillary Clinton told a conference of women recently that Trump firing James Comey as FBI Director proves men might be too emotional to be president.
Criminal Justice

White Guy Annoyed Black Community Won’t Listen To His Advice About Problems He Says They Don’t Have

This white guy has a lot of advice for the black community.
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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)