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Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever be just a few microns away from Donald Trump's penile flesh?" Sometimes, I have to say, I just cannot believe my luck. I could never have guessed when I woke up yesterday...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone. That might sound odd to we Americans who have been told all our lives that presidents are not just role models, they represent all of us." Let he who has not...

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The Bible Belt

TN School Board Approves Only Two Books for Classrooms: The Bible and “The Art of the Deal”

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Marking a change in current trends, a school board...
Pew Pew!

Matt Gaetz Poses With Someone Else’s Daughters Holding AR-15’s for His Christmas Card

Never one to pass up an opportunity to join in on the fun his...
The Bible Belt

TX Man Unsure Whether to Let Cousin Die From Complications or Sue Her For Getting Abortion

SHITLIP, TEXAS -- Bill Williamson has found himself in some rather unforeseen circumstances before,...
The Bible Belt

Pregnant Texas Woman Sues Ex-Boyfriend for Child Support

GILEAD, TEXAS -- In a case that might send reverberations throughout the Lone Star...
LGTBQ+

Texas Informs Congress It Has Added “-ghanistan” to Its Name

AUSTIN, TEXGHANISTAN -- For for the first time in decades, a member of the...
The Bible Belt

Progressives to Build ‘Underground Handmaid’s Railroad’ Connecting Texas to Blue States

In Texas, soon it will be illegal for a woman to get an abortion...
History

Texas Board of Education Eliminates Need to Teach Kids The South Lost

AUSTIN, TEXAS -- The Texas Board of Education, in a narrow, party line vote,...
Science & Medicine

Alabama Offering Anyone Who Gets Vaccinated Free Nudes of Their Sister

MONTGOMERY, ALABAMA -- All over the country, states are trying desperately to get their...
Criminal Justice

South Carolina Lets Death Row Inmates Choose Execution by Spending Five Minutes With Ted Cruz

COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA -- In the Palmetto State, it's become quite difficult for authorities...
Pew Pew!

Texas: Shooting Self in Dick Surpasses Covid-19 Deaths for First Time Since 2019

AUSTIN, TEXAS -- Republicans in the Lonestar State are crowing quite loudly this morning...
MAGA News

Jesus Gives Permission to MAGA to Worship Trump Instead

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Jesus Hubert Christ, Executive Vice-President of Holy Trinity, Inc.,...
The Bible Belt

Roy Moore and Matt Gaetz Announce 2024 Run as President and VP

"You know us; we like to get in there as early as possible."
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Latest articles

Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....
Lifestyle

Nothing Says Understanding American Freedom Like Cheering for Teenagers to Get Beaten by Cops

"...one thing I have now learned is that fascism and freedom of speech are...
Women's Rights

Florida’s Abortion Ban Has This Incel Considering a Move to Florida to Start a New Rape Family

"...Big Feminazi has poisoned the women in my life against me just because I...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)