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Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone. That might sound odd to we Americans who have been told all our lives that presidents are not just role models, they represent all of us." Let he who has not...
Lifestyle

Nothing Says Understanding American Freedom Like Cheering for Teenagers to Get Beaten by Cops

"...one thing I have now learned is that fascism and freedom of speech are pretty much the same thing. I mean, if they weren't, wouldn't all the conservatives who were...raising alarms about the lack of free speech on college campuses be freaking out about...

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Food and Dining

Former President Trump Prefers His Classified Documents Well Done and Drenched in Ketchup

As the time goes on from when they leave office, much can be --...
Food and Dining

Brave, Maskless Patriot Would Rather Be Arrested Than Leave McDonald’s Without His McNuggets

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- At the time of publication, right-wing podcaster and self-described...
Food and Dining

Golden Corral Taps Tucker Carlson to Promote “Patriot Binge and Purge” Loyalty Program

This week, Fox News will begin airing a docuseries produced by noted white nationalist...
Food and Dining

Pro-Life Baker Devastated When Open Bag of Flour Spills and Aborts His Cake

SCHLAFLY RIVER, TEXAS-- 56-year-old Kellen Masteroni has been a baker in his small Texas...
Food and Dining

Palm Beach Burger King Cook ‘Wouldn’t Bet’ on Trump Winning in 2024

PALM BEACH, FLORIDUH -- Juan Miguel Vincente, 32, has been working at the Burger...
Food and Dining

5 Sandwiches to Order Instead of Administering the Heimlich Maneuver to a Choking Mitch McConnell

It's happened to so many of us we've probably lost count. You walk into a...
Food and Dining

One Had Well Done Steak, The Other Had Trump Dick

It was a night one of them would never forget, and that was forgotten...
Food and Dining

Trump Left Behind Unpaid $1 Million McDonald’s Tab for Biden Administration

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Presidential transitions take time, and as such, it can be months...
Business

Trump to Visit the Border Between Burger King and McDonald’s

"Someone of my stature, of my importance, should not have to wait even a minute for his Big Mac and his Whopper."
Food and Dining

Sure Marjorie Taylor Greene is an Unhinged Racist, But She Makes Amazing Grits!

Freshman Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-MAGAstan) has had quite a first couple of weeks...
Food and Dining

QAnon Shaman Won’t Eat Unless Its Organic or Trump’s Ass

While in federal custody, Jacob Chansley -- known worldwide now as "The QAnon Shaman" --...
Food and Dining

Stephen Miller Plans to Go from Working at the White House to Working at a White Castle

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Whenever a presidential administration comes to a close, there are dozens...
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Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....
Lifestyle

Nothing Says Understanding American Freedom Like Cheering for Teenagers to Get Beaten by Cops

"...one thing I have now learned is that fascism and freedom of speech are...
Women's Rights

Florida’s Abortion Ban Has This Incel Considering a Move to Florida to Start a New Rape Family

"...Big Feminazi has poisoned the women in my life against me just because I...
Criminal Justice

I Have a Wish List of Things Dark Brandon Should Do With His Presidential Immunity

Some people might really think that if the Supreme Court says presidents have immunity...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)