Former President Trump Prefers His Classified Documents Well Done and Drenched in Ketchup

Published on

As the time goes on from when they leave office, much can be — and often is —  learned about former presidents. This week, the American people learned that their most recent former president has a special diet that includes classified documents.

This morning, during a radio interview, Donald Trump Jr. told Sean Hannity that his father doesn’t just “love to eat classified docs,” he has a certain way he wants them to be prepared.

Marjorie Greene Has Spent So Much in Mask Fines, She Wishes Biden Was Giving Away Crack Pipes

“President Daddy — who will always be the real president, no matter what the fake news or vote count says — is a real American. So he eats his classified documents the way he eats his real American steaks,” Trump Jr. boasted. “Well done, and smothered in good ol’ freedom-y ketchup! None of this Sharia French mustard certain, shall we say, OVERLY PIGMENTED presidents love so much, Sean.”

Hannity and Trump Jr. shared a solid five minutes of laughter over the uproarious joke.

“Seriously, though, Sean, my amazingly hilarious joke aside I…hang on, need to do a little bump real quick,” Trump Jr. was heard taking a giant sniff inward. “I think what all these Woketopian Libtards are so upset about is that they never elected a man both brave enough and with a sophisticated enough of palette, to enjoy the finer things in life. Such as roasting up a nice batch of intelligence reports and then covering the charred ashes with an entire bottle of ketchup.”

Trump Jr. also denied allegations from a new book that suggests his father flushed documents down the White House toilets.

“I think there’s just some general confusion. Everyone knows my dad wiped his ass with the Constitution every day of his presidency right? Well, what most Americans do with something after they’ve wiped their ass with it, is flush down the toilet,” Trump Jr. explained. “So, that’s what they had to fish out of the toilets. And who cares about that? President Daddy didn’t need some cucky document when he was president, but why does Sleepy Joe?”


Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

Latest articles

Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have...

I Live in Arkansas. Can My 10 Year Old Work as a Bouncer at a Drag Bar?

I moved to Arkansas before I was a father, so I can't say that...

Jesus: “Silencing Transgender People Isn’t Christian, It’s Cunty”

"I specifically told people to stop being judgmental little twatwaffles to everyone." In Montana, elected...

A Complete List of All the 2024 Presidential Candidates Currently on Trial for Rape

In New York City, a former President of the United States is being sued...