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Nothing Says Understanding American Freedom Like Cheering for Teenagers to Get Beaten by Cops

"...one thing I have now learned is that fascism and freedom of speech are pretty much the same thing. I mean, if they weren't, wouldn't all the conservatives who were...raising alarms about the lack of free speech on college campuses be freaking out about...
Women's Rights

Florida’s Abortion Ban Has This Incel Considering a Move to Florida to Start a New Rape Family

"...Big Feminazi has poisoned the women in my life against me just because I think a woman is programmed by God himself to be my willing sex and food preparation slave." If there's one thing we all know about abortion bans, it's that they keep...

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Business

Papa John’s New Slogan: “Better Ingredients. Better Pizza. No N-Words After 20 Months of Deprogramming.”

"Congratulations, John, on entering the 21st century just a couple of decades too late!"
Business

Issa Wants to Investigate Why Liberals Canceled Mr. Potato Head’s Penis to Cover Up Benghazi

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- During most of the Obama administration, there was one man who...
Business

United Airlines Ending Its Frequent Fuckface Miles Program

United Airlines has announced that after careful consideration of the events of the past...
Business

Mitch McConnell Buys Aunt Jemima Syrup But Puts the Bottle in the Back of the Cart

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell was recently spotted out and about...
Business

Taylor Greene Accuses Donut Shop Worker of Being Secret Jewish Glazer

WASHINGTON, D.C.  -- The crack smoke issuing forth from Qongresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene's office...
Business

Robinhood Files Paperwork to Change Its Name to “SheriffofNottingham.”

SWILLY CORN, VALLEY -- Online brokerage trader Robinhood filed emergency paperwork with the Securities...
Business

McEnany Still Looking for a Taco Bell That Will Hire Her

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Former White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany has still, as of...
Business

Closest McDonald’s Franchise to the White House Files Bankruptcy

CAPITOL HILL --  McDonald's general manager, Richard Reid, says with the former president leaving...
Business

NRA Files Chapter 11 Moral Bankruptcy

FLINTLOCK, NEW YORK -- The National Rifle Association filed for Chapter 11 Moral Bankruptcy...
Business

Ivanka Doesn’t Think She Should Have to Sleep Her Way to the Top of the Trump Organization Again

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- People in her orbit are telling media sources that First Lady...
Business

McEnany Hired By Nation’s Leading Fertilizer Company

This story was first published by our sister publication, Alternative Facts. When she leaves her...
Business

MyPillow Guy Lovingly Fucks Every MyPillow Before It Becomes Your MyPillow

There are very few people in Corporate America who love outgoing, one-term, permanently impeached,...
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Lifestyle

Nothing Says Understanding American Freedom Like Cheering for Teenagers to Get Beaten by Cops

"...one thing I have now learned is that fascism and freedom of speech are...
Women's Rights

Florida’s Abortion Ban Has This Incel Considering a Move to Florida to Start a New Rape Family

"...Big Feminazi has poisoned the women in my life against me just because I...
Criminal Justice

I Have a Wish List of Things Dark Brandon Should Do With His Presidential Immunity

Some people might really think that if the Supreme Court says presidents have immunity...
Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)