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Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone. That might sound odd to we Americans who have been told all our lives that presidents are not just role models, they represent all of us." Let he who has not...
Lifestyle

Nothing Says Understanding American Freedom Like Cheering for Teenagers to Get Beaten by Cops

"...one thing I have now learned is that fascism and freedom of speech are pretty much the same thing. I mean, if they weren't, wouldn't all the conservatives who were...raising alarms about the lack of free speech on college campuses be freaking out about...

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Economy

Sanctions Force Putin to Cancel Trump Family’s Quarterly Bonuses

When Russian President Vladimir Putin invaded Ukraine last week, it's difficult to know if...
Economy

When Did George Soros Have “Capitalism” and “Christianity” Taken Out of the Constitution?

In school, most of us learn that the United States of America literally invented...
Economy

Sen. Warren Proposes 80% ‘Billionaire Twatwaffle Tax’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) unveiled legislation that would institute...
Economy

White House Tells Paul They’ll Send KY the Bootstraps He Wanted to Send After Hurricane Maria

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Soon, thousands of bootstraps will be delivered to local emergency response...
Economy

Man Can’t Find Clitoris or Woman to Debate Gender Wage Gap With Him

CELIBATE HILLS, NEW JERSEY -- 28 year old Matthew J. Palumbo is what many...
Economy

Are All Anthropomorphic Penile Scabs Billionaire Sociopaths?

This publication's sole mission is to find the answers to questions that other outlets...
Economy

Elon Musk Is Clearly a Better Person Than Bernie Sanders, and Here Are 5 Facts to Back That Up

One of Twitter's hottest beefs of the last month has been between Sen. Bernie...
Economy

Local Idiot Thinks Presidents Control Gas Prices

BARONTOWN, MISSISSIPPI -- Town moron and well-known local idiot Matthew Palumricci admits that he...
Economy

Biden Says Treasury Will Add “In Soros We Trust” to All Currency

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Joe Biden has directed the United States Treasury to prepare...
Economy

Rand Paul Self-Certifies as Lawyer, Says Nothing Wrong With Wife’s Stock Trade

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senator Doctor Rand Paul (Q-KY) and his wife might have been...
Economy

Can You Identify What’s “Communism” and What’s an “Average Social Program in the 21st Century?”

If you've spent any time on social media recently, and if you've expressed an...
Economy

Bezos Calls His First Spaceflight “One Giant Leap for Billionaire Assholes”

This morning, Amazon founder and former CEO Jeff Bezos became the second billionaire in...
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Latest articles

Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....
Lifestyle

Nothing Says Understanding American Freedom Like Cheering for Teenagers to Get Beaten by Cops

"...one thing I have now learned is that fascism and freedom of speech are...
Women's Rights

Florida’s Abortion Ban Has This Incel Considering a Move to Florida to Start a New Rape Family

"...Big Feminazi has poisoned the women in my life against me just because I...
Criminal Justice

I Have a Wish List of Things Dark Brandon Should Do With His Presidential Immunity

Some people might really think that if the Supreme Court says presidents have immunity...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)