Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Rittenhouse Judge Asks Jury to End Deliberations So He and Kyle Can Attend Proud Boy Meeting

KENOSHA, WISCONSIN -- Judge Bruce Schroeder and accused vigilante double-murderer Kyle...

Local Idiot Thinks Presidents Control Gas Prices

BARONTOWN, MISSISSIPPI -- Town moron and well-known local idiot Matthew Palumricci...

Data Indicates Brandon Gets Shit Done and Trump Didn’t Do Shit

Newly released data from the National Institute of Looking Into This...

Wyoming GOP Boots Liz Cheney for Supporting Their Fiscal Sociopathy, But Not Coup Attempts

JONESTOWN, IOWA -- The Republican Party of Iowa voted by narrow...

At Last, Our Long, National Infrastructure Week, Is Over

In the nation's capital yesterday, several Democrats and, notably, more than...

Don Jr: “If Joe’s So Good at Finishing What Daddy Couldn’t, Why Can’t He Make Ivanka Cum?”

STUPID FUCKFACE, FLORIDA -- Taking time out during a golf tournament...

Judge Says Bannon May Have Conjugal Visits With Both MTG and Dan Bongino

WASHINGTON, D.C -- A federal judge has granted permission to indicted...

Trump Slams Biden for Not ‘Being Strong Enough’ to Encourage Supporters to Hang Harris

While writing his new book, ABC reporter Johnathan Karl got some...

Santa Claus Tells Man It’s Time to Stop Believing in Made Up Things Like Trump Won

GREEN VALLEY, ARKANSAS -- This weekend, St. Nick, otherwise known as...