Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

The Second Amendment Clearly Doesn’t Apply to People Whose Genitals I Haven’t Seen

The following editorial was written by right-wing commentator and podcaster Dustin...

Musk Wants to Charge $500 to Delete Twitter from Your Phone

In a sign that things might not be going so well...

After TN Christian School Shooting, NRA Wants Armed Gods in the Classroom

By now, most Americans have realized that mass shooting events at...

Who Got Paid More to Suck Trump’s Dick: Stormy or Jim Jordan?

As far as the world can tell, there are two people...

Thanks to Elon Musk, I’m Twitter’s New Official Barack Obama

The following open letter was submitted by right-wing commentator and podcaster,...

Ben Shapiro Shocked His Wife Has This In Common With Every Transgender Woman

"It turns out, I can't make any of their pussies wet...

Trump Confident All His Kids He Wants to Fuck Will Visit Him in Prison

"For starters, we'll probably end up in the same prison system,...

DeSantis Bans Depictions of Nude Baby Jesus in Florida

Just hours after a Tallahassee school principal was fired because parents...

Central Park 5 Take Out Full Page NYT Ad Demanding Trump’s Arrest

Five men falsely accused of a 1989 rape and assault of...

NYC Advises Trump Lawyers They Don’t Have Family Prison Cells

Despite the fact that no arrests have been thus far, it...