Thanks to Elon Musk, I’m Twitter’s New Official Barack Obama

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The following open letter was submitted by right-wing commentator and podcaster, Dustin Pewpsin.

Well, it’s official. I just paid my $8, and as of about ten minutes ago I am the new, official, “Barack Obama” on Twitter.

You know, it’s interesting. I never liked blue checks. I hated them, in fact. Every time I’d see some smartassed liberal jerk wad with a blue check stating their own opinion about something, it would make me so mad. I’d get so mad, in fact, that I’d comment on their tweets and make fun of their blue check.

But once Elon made verification on Twitter absolutely pointless by making it a paid add-on, I came around. I suddenly realized, I could get my very own blue check mark! I could have the absolutely same little badge next to my name that I would loathe and despise before Mr. Musk said I could buy one of my own. That in and of itself is great, but what’s really fantastic is thanks to how Elon did things, I was able to do much more than just verify myself.

I realized a couple weeks ago that given how Twitter does verification now, I could just pay a monthly fee, and be the officially recognized version of any celebrity of politician I wanted to, just as long as my $8 payment to Musk’s Twitter kept going through. I still haven’t figured out why the richest man in the world needs my monthly subscription fee for a free app that sells my privacy data to the highest bidder, but it’s not my place to question my wealthy overlords.

When I submitted all my stuff for verification on Twitter Blue, I decided the best thing to do would be to assume the role of Barack Obama. That way, I could maybe unwind some of the major damage he did. If people thought the real Obama was telling them to vote Republican, or skip COVID vaccines, maybe I could undo so much of what he’d done to this country to harm it.

I know I could never return all the guns he personally confiscated from law abiding citizens, but somehow, some way I could make a difference as Twitter’s new, official Barack Obama.

I’m not sure if I’m eligible for any of the other perks Obama gets as former President of the United States, but I can’t wait to see who slides into my DM’s! I bet I get all kinds of secret communiques from George Soros now! He probably will reveal to me why he conspired to make all my friends think I’m a bigoted, racist, religious extremist after they read my social media posts.

Of course, now everyone who reads my tweets will think all that stuff about Barack Obama instead, which just goes to show how things can change for the better if you just stay patient. Thanks for helping me achieve this, Elon!

Your friend,

Barack Obama on Twitter

@jamboschlarmbo

Time to meet the new official BarackObama of #Twitter elonmusk twitterblue verified satire #politics #political #politik

♬ original sound – James Schlarmann – James Schlarmann


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