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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
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Science & Medicine

DeSantis Offers $5,000 to Any Cop With COVID That Makes Out With Him

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- The Governor of Florida is bound and determined to get police...
Science & Medicine

Trump Promises Windmill Cancer Vaccine If He Gets Second Term, But Will Not Mandate It

BUTTE CHEESE, IOWA -- Former, one term, twice forever and ever and ever impeached...
Criminal Justice

Have You Seen Any Job Openings Where I Can Kill People While Unvaccinated?

The following editorial was submitted to this publication by Officer Darrel Dicchest, who just...
MAGA News

Op-Ed: “My Genitals Are Microscopic and It’s All George Soros’ Fault!”

The following editorial was submitted by the office of Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-FL). The...
Tech

Trump Launches “Truth Social” and OJ Simpson Launches “Not for Murderers Social”

https://youtu.be/u0tJyXF9qiA SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- This morning, Facebook and Twitter executives woke up to...
MAGA News

Jim Jordan Won’t Admit the Election Wasn’t Stolen or That Trump’s Balls Don’t Taste Like Candy

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- There are few in Congress more fiercely loyal to former President...
Tech

Facebook Hopes Rebranding Itself “WhiteNationalistDumpsterFireBook” Helps Somehow

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Facing mounting pressure after a slew of reputation damaging...
Science & Medicine

What’s More Fascist – Sneeze Guards on Salad Bars, Vaccine Mandates, or Attempted Coups?

These days, there's one thing Americans are really concerned about, and no, it's not...
Science & Medicine

Scientists Discovered the Missing Link. You’ll Never Guess Which State Sent Her to Congress!

For nearly as long as the theory of evolution has existed, scientists have been...
Criminal Justice

U.S. Marshalls Begin Checking Under Bridges for Steve Bannon

Former Trump campaign manager and White House adviser Steve Bannon is hiding out from...
Conservative Media

After Reading Meghan McCain’s Book, Biden Awards Goldberg and Behar Presidential Medals

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In her new book, conservative commentator Meghan McCain largely blames her...
Science & Medicine

Is Your Junk Sounding and/or Looking a Lot Like Ted Cruz? You Might Have This STD.

A tale as old as time -- sexually transmitted diseases. Let's face it, if you...
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Latest articles

Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)