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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
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Immigration

ICE Agents Arrest, Move To Deport Anchor Fetus

Federal agents in California have arrested and will now move to deport the youngest undocumented life form in U.S. history.
MAGA News

Trump Supporter Confused That Going Without New Cell Phone Didn’t Stop His Pancreatic Cancer

This local Trump supporter is confused as to why his cancer won't stop spreading even though he's not getting a new iPhone.
Science & Medicine

Jason Chaffetz Asks Doctor If Friend’s Cancer Can Be Treated With An iPhone

Republican Rep. Jason Chaffetz of Utah recently said that poor people may have to choose between an iPhone and their health insurance.
MAGA News

Congress To Launch Probe Into Why Steve Bannon’s Hands Smell Like President Trump’s Ass

Many people are saying that Steve Bannon's hands have an awfully suspicious scent on them, and Congress wants to find out why.
MAGA News

Congressional Republican Cites Runaway Spending As Why Transgender And Poor Kids Should Suffer

One Republican in Congress has made an attempt to explain why his party made two huge moves that deeply impacted children this week.
MAGA News

Paul Ryan Worried Congress Can’t Destroy The Middle Class Fast Enough With All The Trump Distractions

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan really wants to do the job he was elected to do, but all of the distractions from the Trump camp are gumming up the works.
MAGA News

President Trump Orders The Statue of Liberty’s Torch Blown Out

To save money and discourage immigration, President Trump has ordered the torch carried by the Statue of Liberty blown out.
Economy

Congressional Republican Explains Why Poor Kids Don’t Need Both Food and An Education

One Congressional Republican attempts to explain to reporters and the American people why poor kids should choose between smarts and food.
MAGA News

Trump To Sign Executive Order Declaring Civil War “A Tie” And Mar-A-Lago The Official Southern White House

Can Sub-President Trump rechristen his Florida compound as The Southern White House?
MAGA News

Betsy DeVos Proposes Changing Congressional Library To “Lieberry Of Congress”

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos will not just take a passive role in educating our children. She will seek reforms everywhere.
MAGA News

Betsy DeVos Orders Immediate Flattening Of All School Globes

Just moments after being confirmed as the new Education Secretary, Betsy DeVos orders all the globes in American schools flattened.
MAGA News

Congressional Democrats Quietly Building Coalition To Impeach President Bannon

Are President Steve Bannon's days numbered? Some Democrats and even some Republicans are rumored to be working on that very thing.
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Latest articles

Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)