Totally Bulls*it News

Jesus Told Me Only “Fascist Incel Dorks” Don’t Like Separation of Church and State

"We told them to pay Caesar what's due to Caesar for a reason. Me-stianity and politics don't mix." Jesus Hubert Christ is not a fan of Project...

James Comey Sends Copy of Opening Remarks Stapled to a Boot and Some Lube to President Trump

Ahead of his highly-anticipated testimony tomorrow, James Comey has sent his opening remarks and a special gift to go with them to President Trump.

Millennial Lists “Making Avocado Toast” As Special Skill on App for Job Boomer Won’t Quit

Making avocado toast is of course the sole, driving force for every Millennial. That's why she put it on her resume while looking for a job.

Man Who Helped His Father Steal From Cancer Kids Lectures Democrats on Morality

Eric Trump and his dad helped funnel cash donated to help kids with cancer to themselves, but Eric's lecturing Democrats about morality.

MIT Releases Trump Tweet Prediction Algorithm Ahead of Comey Testimony

Researchers at MIT have developed an algorithm they say has correctly predicted what President Trump will tweet during James Comey's upcoming testimony.

Priebus Warns Trump His Tweets Can Be Read By Supreme Court Justices Too

President Trump may not quite understand how Twitter works. Then again he's still figuring out how the toilet works.

Trump Says He Won’t Exercise Executive Privilege To ‘Smelting Without Dealting’

President Trump has many powers under his executive privilege, but he announced today he would not exercise them in one particular fashion.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders To Be Replaced With Dead Cat So Talking Points Can Be Read With More Emotion

When Sean Spicer is unavailable, Trump has used Sarah Huckabee Sanders. But now, word is he'll tap someone completely different...and dead.

Trump Supporter Wonders Which Muslim Country Orlando Workplace Shooter Came From

After a shooting rampage in Orlando kills five, one Trumper wonders which Muslim country the shooter came from.

James Comey Seen Running Through Streets of Philadelphia Ahead of Congressional Testimony

Fired FBI Director James Comey has been seen in and around Philadelphia, training for his upcoming Congressional testimony.

Trump To Pull U.S. Out of Treaty of Appomattox

The Paris Climate Accords were just the beginning. President Trump plans to reexamine every treaty the U.S. has ever signed.