Totally Bulls*it News

Can I File an Extension If I’m Not Ready to Control My Wife By January 20th?

I don't really want to go to jail because I couldn't figure out how to wrangle my wife's genitals into their holding pen before...

DeSantis Wants $6 Billion to Build Bonfire Pits at Every Florida Library

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (Q) wants the state's legislature to give...

Smithsonian Apologizes for Escaped Horse Faced Cave Troll’s Disruptions During State of the Union

Last night, one of the Smithsonian's displays came alive and escaped...

Jesus Really Loved Sam Smith’s and Kim Petras’ Grammy Performance

Many conservative commentators have been apoplectic about singers Sam Smith and...

Scientist Proves MTG is a Barely Sentient Glob of Congealed Mayonnaise in a Vanilla Pudding Cup

A world-renowned medical researcher announced results of a groundbreaking study he...

Matt Gaetz to Personally Collect Florida’s Student Athlete Menstrual Data

The State of Florida is set to begin collecting menstrual data...

DeSantis Demands to Know Why Biden Hasn’t Also Shot Down Any Big Black Balloons

An angry Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) lashed out at the Biden...

Trump: China Sent Him Three Balloons as Gifts for Opening Secret Bank Accounts

Hours after former President Trump criticized how long it took President...

Biden Tells MTG He’ll Shoot Down Chinese Balloon When She Finds China or Montana on a Map

President Joe Biden was asked today about whether or not he's...

Conservative Economist Predicts Inflation Will Fall 200% If Everyone Sees Hunter Biden’s Dick

When the Republican Party secured control of the House of Representatives...

Boebert: “I Don’t Have to Be Able to Spell Socialism to Condemn It!”

Today, House Republicans will tackle the issue that every American knows...