Disney World Adds 300% ‘Christofascist Dystopia’ Fee to All Park Admission Prices

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This week, Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) finished his hostile takeover of the Reedy Creek Improvement District, which was established decades ago by lawmakers and the Walt Disney Company.

Over the years, Florida and Disney have mutually benefitted from allowing the entertainment behemoth to largely control administration and financing of the infrastructure and resources surrounding Disney World. Disney is the state’s largest employer, and revenues brought in by tourists staying at Disney properties and visiting the surrounding areas are a major portion of the state’s budget, however when Disney spoke out against DeSantis’ anti-LGTBQ agenda, he went on the attack, and began the proceedings that culminated in this week’s final takeover of Reedy Creek.

Many have wondered how Disney would respond to being attacked by DeSantis, and today they got at least a few answers. Beginning next week, a 300% “Christofascist Dystopia” fee will be added to all admission prices for parks within Florida. At a press conference this morning, Mortimer Souris, Disney’s Deputy Jr. Media Chief, announced and explained the new service charge.

“It’s obviously going to end up jumbling up our books for a bit, now that the governor has decided that free speech doesn’t exist in Florida,” Souris explained, “and so in an effort to recoup some of our new operating losses, Disney executives made the tough decision to charge a special surcharge to anyone who comes to one of our Florida parks 300% more than we used to. It turns out, electing wannabe dictators has consequences.”

Souris said that “someone was going to have to pay for DeSantis’ shortsightedness.”

“And it was never, ever going to be the multibillion dollar entertainment empire,” Soulis laughed. “It’ll be the Florida taxpayers. And anyone who decides they still want to visit a state run by judgmental Jesus Freaks. It costs more money to operate in a fascist state, and we had to figure out some way to offset those costs.”

Reportedly, Gov. DeSantis wanted to provide us with a comment on this story, but when our reporter called the governor’s mansion, we were told he was too busy crying in his go-go boots to respond.

@jamboschlarmbo #Disney vs #RonDeSantis who wins? #satire #disneyworld #lgtbq🏳️‍🌈 #floriduh #florida #politik #politics ♬ original sound – James Schlarmann


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