Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Mike Flynn Says Trump Can Remain Президент навсегда

MOSCOW, RHODE ISLAND -- Pardoned traitor against the United States, General...

Pence Told Reporters He’s Been ‘Poked By Enough Guys’ Before Not to Be Nervous About Coronavirus Vaccine

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, wearing a short-sleeved, plaid print button-up...

Biden Promises to Only Pack the Supreme Court With Two Obamas

DELAWARE -- The subject of "packing" the Supreme Court came up...

Biden Aide Apologizes to Motherfuckers for Inadvertantly Shortening Their Name

For four years now, Republicans have largely told the rest of...

Ron Johnson: “It’s a Problem That People Don’t Have Faith in the Election I Keep Talking Shit About”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Comrade Senator Ronald Johnsoninski told reporters today that...

Mexico Sends $0.00 Check For Last Wall Payment

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- When he ran for president in 2015...

Man Growing Tired of Covid-19 Restrictions He Doesn’t Really Follow Anyway

LAKE IGNORANCE, MICHIGAN-- Gerald Ricci is sick to death of his...

Patriot Loves America So Much He’d Murder More Than Half Its Citizens Because They Voted for Biden

PINCHLOAF, MISSOURI -- Capt Col. Major General Private Scott Palumbo's rank...

Breaking: Joe Biden Is Still Your Next President

In a completely foreseen and very precedented development, former Vice President...