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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
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Science & Medicine

Trump Supporter: His Cousin Convinced Him to Get Vaccinated By Withholding Sex

FT. IVERMECTIN, KENTUCKY -- For months, the Biden administration has grappled with how, exactly,...
Science & Medicine

Santa Claus Will Require Proof of Vaccination Before Delivering Toys This Year

THE NORTH POLE -- Elected officials like Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) and Rep. Marjhorsey...
Science & Medicine

Are You Selfish or Just a Puss-Weed For Not Getting Vaccinated or Wearing a Mask?

It's a question as old as time itself. Well, it's as old as how...
Science & Medicine

Med Tech Company Develops “Trump 5000” Ventilator With Built-In MAGA Hat

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- A company that specializes in designing medical technology announced...
Arts & Entertainment

Club Owner Not Sure Who This “Jim Breuer” Guy Is, But Is Requiring Audience Vaccination Anyway

"You're saying he's done something remotely comedic in the last 20 years?" HARDIHAR FALLS, MINNESOTA...
Conservative Media

Dr. Alex Jones Prescribes 30 mg of Chemtrails and Frog De-Gayer for Joe Rogan’s COVID

FT. DIPSHIT, TEXAS -- Yesterday, to the shock of absolutely nobody who passed high...
Science & Medicine

Urologist Fears America’s Penis May Never Fully Recover from COVID-19 Delta Surge

Dr. Richard Schvantz has been a licensed, board certified urologist for over 40 years,...
Lifestyle

Are You a Victim of Tyranny, or Being Politely Urged to Get a Life Saving Vaccine?

The COVID-19 delta variant is raging throughout America, and particularly in certain vaccine hesitant...
Science & Medicine

Satan Issues Mask Mandate for Unvaccinated MAGAs

HELL, ETERNITY -- Bob "Satan" McGee has issued a new mask mandate that applies...
MAGA News

Unvaccinated America First Patriot Refuses to Wear a Mask or Condom While Raw-Dogging His Cousin

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- In an interview soon to be published in American...
Science & Medicine

Tucker Carlson Wants to Get One More COVID-19 Vaccine Before He Endorses Them

Fox News host and sentient toilet film Tucker Carlson told his audience last night...
Conservative Media

At Brian Kilmeade’s Suggestion, U.S. Disbands Its Military

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a fast-moving, and perhaps quite shocking turn of events, the...
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Latest articles

Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)