Totally Bulls*it News

Jesus Told Me Only “Fascist Incel Dorks” Don’t Like Separation of Church and State

"We told them to pay Caesar what's due to Caesar for a reason. Me-stianity and politics don't mix." Jesus Hubert Christ is not a fan of Project...

Supreme Court To Carefully Consider Pros, Cons Of Forcing Teens to Have Fathers’ Rape Babies

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For the first time in decades, the United...

Sewer Security Guard Apologizes for Allowing Two Turds to Escape and Get Elected to Congress

FECALBERGH, PENNSYLVANIA -- At a hastily thrown together press event this...

Boebert Wants an FDA Update on Approving Bleach Injection Boosters

Congressmoron Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) is an outspoken, devoted follower and gatekeeper...

Ted Cruz Says He’ll Stand Under the Mistletoe With Trump If Ivanka Won’t

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- During a weekly press conference held by Senate...

Biden Signs Presidential Declaration Stating “All Holidays Matter”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In an official signing ceremony held in the...

Jack Dorsey Leaving Twitter to Be a Billionaire Fuckface Somewhere Else, We Guess, Who Cares?

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- The tech world was rocked today...

Trump Family Moves Annual Christmas Party from White House to White Powerhouse

The annual Trump Christmas Party will not be held at the...

Fauci: “Cruz Has the Same Punchablefaceitis That Rand Paul’s Neighbor Diagnosed Him With”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sen. Ted Cruz and Sen. Rand Paul share...

Rittenhouse Offered to Shoot Someone on 5th Avenue for Trump During Their Mar-A-Lago Meeting

MAR-A-LAGO, FLORIDUH -- Former, one term, tiny-donged, daughter lusting, twice forever...