Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Lauren Boebert Successfully Donated Six Brain Cells to MTG and Still Has Six to Spare

Doctors in Colorado are marveling at the news that a congressional...

RNC Calls Smith Slapping Rock “Legitimate Awards Show Discourse”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Republican National Committee issued a statement this...

Cruz Says He Helped Plan Eastman’s Coup Because “Someone Laced Trump’s Taint With Roofies”

Yesterday, a federal judge ruled that Trump loyalist and lawyer John...

Study of Mitch McConnell’s DNA Might Prove Existence of Racist Sperm

The National Research Labs of America published results of a new...

A Second Grader Asked DeSantis Where Babies Come From. He Had Her Arrested.

This morning, while visiting an elementary school in Northern Florida, Gov....

Rich Cultist Smacks Rich Comedian Who Made Joke at the Expense of Rich Cultist Wife

HOLLYWOOB, CALIFORNIA -- Last night, the 94th Annual Academy Awards and...

Texts Reveal Ginni Thomas Helped Meadows Steal Election and Get Trump’s McDonald’s Order

CBS News and The Washington Post broke the news last night that the...

Judge Jackson Regrets Not Pre-Insulting Heidi Cruz’s Looks

Now that her confirmation hearings have come to a close, sources...