Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Supporter Tired of Her Husband Klansplaining Everything to Her

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Right-wing podcaster Jethro Bohiggins and his...

Trump Asks If Anyone’s Thought to Cure Cancer By Not Screening for Cancer

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's not really a secret that President Donald...

Trump Asks Ben Carson to Set Up Meeting With Aunt Jemima

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Before "anyone makes any permanent decisions" on the...

Trump Wants Research Into Whether AIDS Vaccine Also Cures Windmill Cancer

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- While the world is still celebrating his announcement...

Ron Perlman Offers to Cast Ted Cruz In “Go To Hell, Boy”

HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA -- Actor Ron Perlman has reportedly reached out to...

Mike Pence: “If You Close Your Eyes to Pray, The COVID Goes Away”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Vice President Mike Pence told the American people...

Mike Pence Grateful Trump Can’t Fire Him Now

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Just before noon today, Vice President Mike Pence...

Trump Promises Entire Capital Will Be Converted To Renewable White Power

President-Elect Trump's plan to tackle climate change includes a return to using renewable white power in the nation's capital.

Trump Bans Ramps, Gentle Declines, Hills, and Slopes

President Donald trump has officially decreed that the United States of America will "no longer have any purple mountains majesty or even greenish little hills."