Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Wants Research Into Whether AIDS Vaccine Also Cures Windmill Cancer

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- While the world is still celebrating his announcement...

Ron Perlman Offers to Cast Ted Cruz In “Go To Hell, Boy”

HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA -- Actor Ron Perlman has reportedly reached out to...

Mike Pence: “If You Close Your Eyes to Pray, The COVID Goes Away”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Vice President Mike Pence told the American people...

Mike Pence Grateful Trump Can’t Fire Him Now

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Just before noon today, Vice President Mike Pence...

Trump Promises Entire Capital Will Be Converted To Renewable White Power

President-Elect Trump's plan to tackle climate change includes a return to using renewable white power in the nation's capital.

Trump Bans Ramps, Gentle Declines, Hills, and Slopes

President Donald trump has officially decreed that the United States of America will "no longer have any purple mountains majesty or even greenish little hills."

Tucker Carlson Adds Two Ks to First Name

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Fox News host Tucker Carlson is...

Trump Orders Dave Chappelle Arrested for Slaying Candace Owens

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump told reporters this morning that...

NASCAR Assures Fans They’ll See Confederate Flag Before Every Final Lap

DAYTONA BEACH, FLORIDA -- Yesterday, NASCAR announced that it was banning...