Don Jr and Eric Are Learning to Count So They Can Take Over as Trump Org’s Accountants

Published on

Since he left office in January of last year, Donald Trump’s business has been inundated with legal troubles. Both the State and City of New York are investigating the Trump Organization for what they allege is a pattern and practice of fraudulent behavior.

Things went from bad to worse recently when Mazars retracted ten years of financial statements it had prepared on behalf of the Trump Organization, effectively ending its relationship with the former president. Analysts have said this could spell disaster for Trump’s business dealings, as there is currently no accounting firm that will back up any claims the Trumps make about their company’s finances. Today, however, the public learned that the former president’s two adult sons have hatched a plan to help rescue their family from certain calamity.

DeSantis Bans Talking About Super Bowl LVI Halftime Show in the Classroom

“Don Jr and Eric both signed up for remedial counting courses at Trump University, and by all accounts they’re doing quite well,” one family source told us in a phone interview. “Apparently, Don Jr’s already able to count to twenty one, and his teachers say he should be able to do that without his front zipper down sometime soon. Eric I guess is counting to three quite strongly, but gets confused and starts singing his ABC’s after that, which if you know Eric like we do, you know that’s the smartest he’s literally ever been.”

For most of their lives, Trump’s male crotch fruit have had no reason to learn much of anything, especially to count. Their father raised them much in the way his own parents raised him, according to the same family source.

“Don Sr. always told us that he thought his mom and dad were right to raise their sons thinking their shit doesn’t stink, and raising their daughters to not be off-put by Daddy trying to fingerblast them,” our source said, “which is exactly how he raised his own kids. Tradition means everything to Don Trump.”

Marjorie Greene Has Spent So Much in Mask Fines, She Wishes Biden Was Giving Away Crack Pipes


Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

Latest articles

Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have...

I Live in Arkansas. Can My 10 Year Old Work as a Bouncer at a Drag Bar?

I moved to Arkansas before I was a father, so I can't say that...

Jesus: “Silencing Transgender People Isn’t Christian, It’s Cunty”

"I specifically told people to stop being judgmental little twatwaffles to everyone." In Montana, elected...

A Complete List of All the 2024 Presidential Candidates Currently on Trial for Rape

In New York City, a former President of the United States is being sued...