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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
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MAGA News

DeVos, Pence Want To Give Teachers The Freedom To Teach Their Classes In Tongues

Secretary of Education DeVos and Vice-President Mike Pence want to give teachers the ability to each in any language - or tongue - they want to.
MAGA News

VP Pence Suggests Tearing Down Wall Between Church And State And Using It To Build The Border Wall

If you ask Mike Pence, the wall separating church and state in this country could be dismantled and put to much better use.
MAGA News

Flynn Asks Putin To Be A Reference On His Résumé

General Mike Flynn is out as National Security Director, but he's hoping his very "special" contacts will help him land his next gig.
MAGA News

Betsy DeVos Receives Lovely Congratulatory Edible Arrangement From The Taliban

Religious sycophants of all stripes just love that Betsy DeVos was able to buy her way into the highest levels of government.
MAGA News

National Association of Grizzly Bears Issues Statement on Betsy DeVos’ Confirmation

The country's largest grizzly bear advocacy group has issued a strong letter of condemnation to the U.S. Senate for confirming Betsy DeVos.
MAGA News

Betsy DeVos Orders Immediate Flattening Of All School Globes

Just moments after being confirmed as the new Education Secretary, Betsy DeVos orders all the globes in American schools flattened.
MAGA News

Trump: ‘As Long As Steve, Mike, and Vladimir Say I Can, I Call All My Own Shots!’

Co-President Donald Trump really wants you to believe he alone makes all the decisions, and he just got permission to tell us all that himself.
MAGA News

Daily American Greatness Tracker – Day 8 & 9

We're tracking American Greatness every single day of President Donald J. Trump's historic presidency.
MAGA News

Mike Pence Bounds Into The Vice-President’s Office With Manifest Of Vaginae To Register And Regulate

Vice-President Mike Pence's first day on the job saw him leaping with joy at the chance to control, inventory, and regulate the nation's vaginae.
MAGA News

Mike Pence, Vladimir Putin Reportedly In Tiff Over Who Gets To Control Trump

An anonymous source on Team Trump says Mike Pence had some extra special concerns over reports of Russian hacks of the presidential election.
MAGA News

Dick Cheney Offers Mike Pence Puppeteering Lessons

Former-VP Dick Cheney has some special advice for the incoming Veep.
MAGA News

President-Elect Trump Hopeful His TV Producers Will Start Telling Him How To Run the Country

Trump's looking for some pre-production help.
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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....

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