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Criminal Justice
I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels
"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
May 10, 2024
Criminal Justice
Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?
"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....
May 8, 2024
Arts & Entertainment
Satirist Beginning to Suspect He May Secretly Be a Prophet
Aspiring satirist Johnathon Flake expressed a growing conviction to friends and colleagues today that...
May 28, 2020
Conservative Media
Lahren Defends George Floyd’s Killer: “Blue Kneels Matter More”
LA VALLE RUBIA PINCHE PUTA, CALIFORNIA -- Fox News contributing racist Tomi Lahren has...
May 27, 2020
Science & Medicine
Local Man Pretty Sure He Can Convince Himself to Masturbate
SPAYNK RIVER BANK, MISSOURI -- In a sleepy town located on the banks of...
May 15, 2020
MAGA News
Trump Pledges 10,000 Flotation Devices to ‘Help the Mexicans Survive’ Cinco de Mayo
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A perhaps confused President Trump began his day this morning by...
May 5, 2020
Arts & Entertainment
Trump Calls William Shatner to Wish Him Happy May The 4th
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, fans of the iconic film franchise Star Wars are celebrating the legacy...
May 4, 2020
Food and Dining
White Claw Reveals Its 7 Least Popular Flavors
Adult beverage maker White Claw has become quite popular over the last year or...
April 14, 2020
Science & Medicine
4 Ways to Tell If You Use the Word “Sheeple” Too Much
There are certain words in the English language that are categorically terrible, stupid, idiotic...
April 6, 2020
Science & Medicine
CDC Suggests Chronic Masturbators Replace Regular Lube With Hand Sanitizer
ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Doctors with the Centers for Disease Control issued new guidance this...
March 28, 2020
Science & Medicine
CDC Recommends Washing Hands For At Least As Long As It Takes For You To Masturbate
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Centers for Disease Control have issued a fresh new set...
March 15, 2020
Criminal Justice
Petition to Put Harvey Weinstein In Epstein’s Prison Cell Reaches Six Million Signatures
NEW YORK -- This week, a petition to put disgraced Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein...
March 12, 2020
Lifestyle
Toddler Doesn’t Give a Fuck
LINCOLN, INDIANA -- He doesn't give a fuck. He doesn't give a fuck what you...
March 10, 2020
Science & Medicine
Man Buys All of Store’s Toilet Paper and Canned Chili to Survive Coronavirus Quarantine
MIERDALIQUIDA VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- A grocery store on Main Street has reported that one...
March 10, 2020
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Latest articles
Criminal Justice
I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels
"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
May 10, 2024
Criminal Justice
Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?
"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....
May 8, 2024
Lifestyle
Nothing Says Understanding American Freedom Like Cheering for Teenagers to Get Beaten by Cops
"...one thing I have now learned is that fascism and freedom of speech are...
May 3, 2024
Women's Rights
Florida’s Abortion Ban Has This Incel Considering a Move to Florida to Start a New Rape Family
"...Big Feminazi has poisoned the women in my life against me just because I...
May 1, 2024
