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Greg Abbott
Greg Abbott
U.S. Politics
A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden
"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
May 15, 2024
Criminal Justice
I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels
"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
May 10, 2024
Science & Medicine
“Small Government” Governor Dictates to Private Companies What They Can Do About COVID-19
AUSTIN, TEXAS -- "Herp derp! Me small government conservative! Me hate socialism! Me want...
October 12, 2021
Pew Pew!
Texas Woman Files Paperwork to Reclassify Her Genitals as a Firearm
LIBTERTAD de CUERPA, TEXAS -- Next week, a court in Texas will hear opening...
September 13, 2021
Women's Rights
Abbott Unsure How to Eliminate Rapists from Texas and Still Host Trump Rallies
AUSTIN, TEXGHANISTAN -- Gov. Greg Abbott (Q) promised reporters and Texghanistan natives alike this...
September 8, 2021
The Bible Belt
Pregnant Texas Woman Sues Ex-Boyfriend for Child Support
GILEAD, TEXAS -- In a case that might send reverberations throughout the Lone Star...
September 8, 2021
Women's Rights
“Let Me Explain Why Rapists Might Be Entitled to $10,000” by Gov. Greg Abbott
The following editorial was written by Gov. Greg Abbott (Taliban-TX), concerning his state's new...
September 3, 2021
Science & Medicine
Texas Governor Sues School District for Using Crossing Guards
AUSTIN, TEX-ASS -- Governor Greg Abbott of Texas filed a pair of lawsuits today,...
August 12, 2021
World News
Cruz Slams Texas Dems For Not Asking to Borrow His Cancun Timeshare
Democrats in the Texas State Senate have once again taken to extreme measures to...
July 13, 2021
Women's Rights
TX Governor Signs Law Affirming Life Begins at Erection
AUSTIN, TEXAS -- Gov. Greg Abbott (Q-TX) signed a law today that makes seeking...
May 19, 2021
Pew Pew!
Texas: Shooting Self in Dick Surpasses Covid-19 Deaths for First Time Since 2019
AUSTIN, TEXAS -- Republicans in the Lonestar State are crowing quite loudly this morning...
May 18, 2021
Science & Medicine
Texas Gov. Signs Bill Requiring Texans to Remove Their Masks and Tongue Kiss a Covid Patient
The law also contains a provision that forces Democrats to get "666" tattoos from unmasked, covid positive tattoo artists.
March 11, 2021
The Democrats
President Biden Apologizes to Neanderthal Americans
"I didn't see a single Neanderthal at the January 6th insurrection."
March 5, 2021
Latest articles
U.S. Politics
A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden
"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
May 15, 2024
Criminal Justice
I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels
"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
May 10, 2024
Criminal Justice
Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?
"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....
May 8, 2024
Lifestyle
Nothing Says Understanding American Freedom Like Cheering for Teenagers to Get Beaten by Cops
"...one thing I have now learned is that fascism and freedom of speech are...
May 3, 2024