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U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
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Women's Rights

Rubio Robot Engineers Program ‘Horrible Thoughts on Rape’ Into His Cerebral Matrix

Marco Rubio's rhetorical programming gets a fundie-approved update.
U.S. Politics

Local Pro-Lifer ‘Loves’ Ted Cruz’s Carpet Bombing Foreign Policy

A pro-life Republican explains why Ted Cruz's foreign policy works for him.
U.S. Politics

Carly Fiorina: Don’t Have an Abortion Because I Need More Political Props

Carly Fiorina says she loves children so much she needs to treat them like cheap props to show her commitment to them.
MAGA News

Texas Gov. Abbott Asks for ‘Mulligan’ on The Constitution

Greg Abbot, Governor of Texas, is tired of those fancy-pants judges telling Americans they have the same rights as other Americans.
U.S. Politics

GOP Congressman Wants to Investigate Connection Between Benghazi, Planned Parenthood

After voting to de-fund Planned Parenthood, one congressman thinks there might be a connection to it and Benghazi worth investigating.
U.S. Politics

Ted Cruz Backs Constitutional Amendment Repealing Women’s Suffrage

Ted Cruz feels the only way to get Roe v. Wade off the books is to get women out of politics, literally.
Women's Rights

Ohio Republican Wants to Create Uterine Registry

One Republican says a new proposed law in Ohio that would force women who have abortions or miscarriages to bury or cremate the fetus doesn't go far enough.
Women's Rights

Man Who Can’t Find Woman Willing To Sleep With Him Gives Opinions on Abortion Anyway

This guy can't get laid to save his life, but once he does he has a no abortion option for any woman who takes a chance on him.
Pew Pew!

Out of Gravy, Carly Fiorina Uses Blood of Planned Parenthood Victims For Thanksgiving Leftovers

When she found herself without gravy, Carly Fiorina conveniently found something else to smother her leftovers in.
Pew Pew!

Local Republican ‘Tremendously Upset’ Colorado Planned Parenthood Shooter Not Muslim

The Colorado Planned Parenthood shooter is a white, middle-aged man, and presumably Christian and conservative, which has really upset one Christian conservative in particular.
U.S. Politics

Who Said It: Ben Carson or A Box Of Rocks?

Can you guess whether Dr. Ben Carson or a Box of Rocks said each of these 7 things?
U.S. Politics

Fuming Fiorina to Ben Carson: I’m the Liar, You’re The Dumb One!

Ben Carson just caught in a lie, and that makes the GOP's preeminent liar in the election very, very mad.
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U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....
Lifestyle

Nothing Says Understanding American Freedom Like Cheering for Teenagers to Get Beaten by Cops

"...one thing I have now learned is that fascism and freedom of speech are...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)