Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Nearly A Million People Have Donated to Presidential Campaign That Cannot Win

Since when did being popular mean you win elections, Bernie Sanders?

Carly Fiorina Fondly Recounts the Time She Found Atlantis

Did you know Carly Fiorina once found the Lost City of Atlantis? Of course you didn't, but she'll tell you all about it.

Pope Francis and Kim Davis Meet, Discuss Bigotry and Baking Recipes

What happens when Pope Francis and Kim Davis meet? Bigotry collaborations and baking recipe swapping, of course.

House Republicans Start ‘Pre-Impeachment’ Proceedings For Hillary Clinton

The Benghazi hearings were good, but some members of the House want to impeach Hillary Clinton preemptively, prior to the election.

Donald Trump Is Racking Up The D-Bag Endorsements

From Tom Brady to Willie Robertsons, the douchebags are lining up to endorse Donald Trump.

Ted Cruz: Mars Water Supply Proves Girls Go To Jupiter to Get More Stupider

There's water on Mars and Sen. Ted Cruz believes it means something universal about life itself.

Republican Man Can’t Wait to See Which D-Bag Replaces Boehner

Who will be John Boehner's successor? One Kansas man is beside himself with anticipation.

Carly Fiorina Fondly Remembers Breaking NFL Rushing Yards Record

Carly Fiorina tells another tale of tremendous grandeur.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #348

Will the tyranny of Obama's Gun Confiscation ever end?!