Totally Bulls*it News

Jesus Told Me Only “Fascist Incel Dorks” Don’t Like Separation of Church and State

"We told them to pay Caesar what's due to Caesar for a reason. Me-stianity and politics don't mix." Jesus Hubert Christ is not a fan of Project...

Texas Governor Greg Abbot Is Tired of Other States Trying To ‘Out-Dumb Us’

Texas Governor Greg Abbot wants the first word on your lips after hearing the word "dumb" to be "Texas."

Ben Carson: ‘F**k Mike Huckabee, I’m the Religious Nuts’ Candidate!’

Dr. Ben Carson wants the world to know he can be just as religiously crazy as Mike Huckabee.

Hillary Clinton Hoping to Still Be Able to Steal Bernie Sanders’ Rhetoric Now That He’s Running Too

Can Hillary steal Bernie Sanders' mojo if Bernie Sanders is actually running against her?

Huckabee: ‘Criminalization Of Christianity is Coming. Just Ask Joel Osteen, Rick Warren, Pat Robertson…’

Mike Huckabee thinks once the gays can get married, it'll be open season on religion in a country with a clause in its constitution expressly forbidding laws against religion.

Conservative Americans Wait Breathlessly for Word on Whether They Have to Stop Being Assholes Now

Does the federal government protecting gay marriage mean the end of an era for America's assholes?

Some Americans Outraged Humans Once Treated as Property Outraged Enough To Destroy Non-Human Property

The Political Garbage Chute sent reporters out in the field to get various Americans' reactions to the Baltimore riots.

Mississippi Pastor: ‘We’re Bracing for the Nightmare of Adults Loving Other Adults!’

Gay marriage will bring about terrible things like love and compassion, according to one Mississippi man of the cloth.

“My Own Personal Thoughts on the Iran Nuke Deal” by George W. Bush (and Dick Cheney)

An essay on George W. Bush's own personal beliefs on the Iran nuclear deal, co-written by Dick Cheney.

New Scientific Study: Ted Cruz Thinks About Butt Sex More Than People Having Butt Sex

Just how much does Ted Cruz think about butt sex? Some folks in West Virginia tried to quantify it.

Ghost of Yemeni Civilian Drone Victim: ‘Obama’s Apology to Me Must Be Lost In The Mail Somewhere’

A civilian casualty in a 2013 American drone strike speaks about Obama's apology for a botched drone strike that left Americans dead.