Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

House Republicans Start ‘Pre-Impeachment’ Proceedings For Hillary Clinton

The Benghazi hearings were good, but some members of the House want to impeach Hillary Clinton preemptively, prior to the election.

Donald Trump Is Racking Up The D-Bag Endorsements

From Tom Brady to Willie Robertsons, the douchebags are lining up to endorse Donald Trump.

Ted Cruz: Mars Water Supply Proves Girls Go To Jupiter to Get More Stupider

There's water on Mars and Sen. Ted Cruz believes it means something universal about life itself.

Republican Man Can’t Wait to See Which D-Bag Replaces Boehner

Who will be John Boehner's successor? One Kansas man is beside himself with anticipation.

Carly Fiorina Fondly Remembers Breaking NFL Rushing Yards Record

Carly Fiorina tells another tale of tremendous grandeur.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #348

Will the tyranny of Obama's Gun Confiscation ever end?!

D.C. Area Bars Honor John Boehner’s Tenure By Lowering Cocktail Napkins to Half Staff

John Boehner gets a loving tribute from the Americans he helped most -- bar owners.

22-Year-Old Facebook Libertarian Defends Martin Shkreli Because ‘Free Market’

Martin Shkreli tried to gouge extremely sick people by jacking up their drug costs, and one young libertarian sees nothing wrong with that.

Jealous Putin Invites Vice-Pope to Kremlin For Karaoke

Vlad Putin doesn't like that Pope Francis visited the U.S. first, but he has an almost as good visitor coming to his country soon.