Benedict Arnold Award For Treachery Given to Carly Fiorina for ‘Selling Out Her Own Gender’

Published on

LEE, SOUTH CAROLINA — 2016 Republican Presidential hopeful Carly Fiorina has been rising in the polls since her performance in the second televised GOP primary debate. In that debate, Fiorina attacked Planned Parenthood based on sting videos put out by a right-wing, anti-abortion group. The veracity of the sting videos has been largely dismissed, but that didn’t stop House Republicans from holding a congressional oversight hearing over defunding the low-income health service provider, and though none of what she said she saw on the videos in question can be found, and certainly not in the context she provided, Ms. Fiorina has won an award from The League of Anti-Female Women, a conservative think tank focused on “returning control of our uteruses to those who know how best to utilize them — men,” according to its charter.

The 2015 Benedict Arnold Award for Treachery In Selling Out Her Own Gender was conferred upon Ms. Fiorina in a ceremony late last week. Though the former Hewlett-Packard CEO was not able to attend the meeting as she was on the campaign trail, aides in her campaign told reporters she was “absolutely delighted” to be “cited for her steadfast commitment to pushing her fellow women back in time at least 40 years.” The award came with a campaign donation for Ms. Fiorina as well as a coffee mug that says “World’s Greatest Gender Traitor” on it.

“Ms. Fiorina is just absolutely delighted to receive this award,” said Geraldine Williamson, Assistant Deputy Director of Media Outreach for the Fiorina campaign. Williamson said her boss “couldn’t be more thrilled” that her “urging people to watch a specific scene that absolutely, completely and totally exists even if no one can actually find it” has had such an impact on the race so far. “But,” Williamson said, “the real impact Carly wants to have is to make it so that all women, women just like Carly, don’t have sexual autonomy. Because nothing says freedom and liberty like having zero control over when you create, gestate and birth a new human being you will be financially and emotionally responsible for pretty much for the rest of your life.”

Ms. Williamson said that the campaign has also been contacted by a handful of other right-wing, anti-abortion groups offering campaign donations and awards for Fiorina. “The outpouring of support for our candidate’s forceful stretching of truth to the point of it being unrecognizable while in pursuit of an idealistic crusade to rob women of their sexual choices is just heart-warming for us all,” Williamson said, adding that “Carly just cannot wait for the next debate” because she plans to “tell the world about a scene she saw in the latest sting video that showed President Obama himself wearing a t-shirt that said ‘I hate babies’ on it while he performed over 200 abortions at once, with the help of Hillary Clinton and Saul Alinsky’s ghost.”

“Rest assured,” Fiorina told a crowd at a campaign stop in South Carolina this week, “not only have I seen the things in the videos I said I’ve seen, I’ve witnessed things I didn’t even realize I had witnessed until I had enough time to realize I had seen them, or at the very least convince myself I’ve seen them. And I will not stop until every vagina has been returned to its rightful owner — a man.”

Carly Fiorina is currently placing near the top of the Republican candidates in nationally conducted polls.

Latest articles

Jesus Told Me Only “Fascist Incel Dorks” Don’t Like Separation of Church and State

"We told them to pay Caesar what's due to Caesar for a reason. Me-stianity...

Once I Learned to Read, I Realized The Left Actually Can and Does Meme

The following editorial was written by right-wing commentator and Trump White House official Dustin...

God Told Me Oklahoma Kids Will Be ‘Stupid as Fuck’ After the Bible is Taught in Schools

" they really think it covers me in glory to have a bunch of...

Someone Accidentally Sent Me a Copy of The Biden/Trump Debate Questions

Don't ask me how it happened, but it would appear that someone at CNN...