Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Sad Libertarian Can’t Figure Out Why His Bottom Polling Candidate Didn’t Get More Debate Time

One libertarian can't figure out why bottom-placing Rand Paul isn't getting more screen time at the debates.

Priebus Peeved Town Turd Polisher Didn’t Polish His Turds Enough

Reince Priebus has not had a good week between the CNBC debate and a batch of turds not being shined to his liking.

Politifact Fact Needle Permanently Damaged After CNBC GOP Debate

The CNBC GOP Debate has had a disastrous effect on Politifact's ratings needle.

We Put a Gun To These 5 People’s Heads and Asked Them About Gun Control

Five people weigh in on gun control while personally interacting with a gun.

Ben Carson Campaign Clears Entire Schedule to Allow More ‘Incoherent Babbling Bulls**t’ Time

The Ben Carson has made a bold move with their campaign itinerary.

Totally Not Racist Libertarian Argues Blacks Are Just More Inherently Violent Than Whites

Totally non-racist libertarians argue that black people are just more violent than other races.

The Political Garbage Chute’s Republican Debate Drinking Game

The Republican Debate is on tonight, and we've got the best drinking game rules for it on the web!

S.C. Student-Tossing Cop Apologizes For ‘Not Just Shooting’ Unarmed Black Student Instead

Deputy Ben Fields has issued an interesting apology for his actions in a S.C. classroom this week.

LEAKED MEMO: Obama Meets McConnell, Boehner to Discuss Becoming Tyrannical

Are Obama, McConnell, and Boehner secretly planning to make every militia member's wettest dreams come true?

Mitch McConnell Waiting Until Marco Rubio Shows Up to Praise His Work Ethic

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell wanted to praise Marco Rubio for his work ethic, but Rubio wasn't there yet.