Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Gun Enthusiast ‘Pissed’ He Has to Sell Guns Out of His Trunk and Not Facebook Now

Facebook has banned private gun sales on their website, and this man is pissed.

Carly Fiorina: I Want to Taste Hillary’s Pussy

Carly Fiorina is clearly into Hillary Clinton, or she wouldn't talk about her all the time for no reason.

Ted Cruz: As President, If Anyone is Mean to Me, I’ll Just Walk Out of the Oval Office

Ted Cruz "joked" about walking out on the Fox News debate, but would he walk out on tough international dealings?

‘This country will never elect a socialist!’ – Woman Who Said No Black Man Would Ever Be President

A woman who didn't think a black man could be president isn't so sure about Bernie Sanders, self-described democratic socialist.

Marco Rubio Admits He Requested Bigger Debate Podium to Hide His War Boner

Marco Rubio asked for a much larger podium for last night's debate for a very personal reason.

Scientists Studying If Canada Or Mexico Handle U.S. Refugees From President Trump’s America

With Donald Trump our next president, top researchers want to know if the U.S. has neighbors that can take its castoffs and refugees.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #365

A weekly tabulation of Obama's Gun Confiscation.

Donald Trump to Silently Masturbate to 1999-ish Pictures of His Hair During GOP Debate

Donald Trump announced via Twitter what he'll be doing during the debate.

Reince Priebus Fashions Donald Trump Analogue Out of Bag of Farts for GOP Debate

Without Trump in tonight's debate, Reince Priebus was left to scramble for a solution.

Last Twix in Breast Pocket Stops Bullet, Saves Oregon Militia Squatter’s Life

During the arrest of its leader, another member of the Oregon militia was struck by a stray bullet.