Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Engineers Frantically Adding Five New Talking Points to Marco Rubio’s Programming

Engineers work to cram Marco Rubio's brain full of more talking points.

Local Pro-Lifer ‘Loves’ Ted Cruz’s Carpet Bombing Foreign Policy

A pro-life Republican explains why Ted Cruz's foreign policy works for him.

Obama’s Communist Economic Assault Lowers Unemployment Below 5%

Republicans are sure something is afoul because the unemployment rate is the lowest it's been since nearly a year before Obama took office.

Town Republican Confused by Lack of Phobias in Democratic Debate

One Republican's confused reaction to the last Democratic debate.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #366

Will Obama's Gun Confiscation claim your God-given hand cannon?

Islamic American: Marco Rubio Divides Us By Being a Radical Christian

Marco Rubio says Obama divided the country by visiting a mosque, but this Islamic American says it's Rubio that's dividing us.

Trump: Cruz Stole Iowa ‘You Know, Like Mexicans Do’

Donald Trump said Ted Cruz stole Iowa from him because Cruz is a Mexican, which is wrong, but...

Old Lady Politely Refuses Jeb Bush’s Help Across the Street

No one wants or needs Jeb Bush's help these days.

Democratic Voter: Cruz’s Birthplace Doesn’t Matter; His Idiotic Views of the World Do

COLD STONE, NEW HAMPSHIRE -- Cynthia Garrison says she will be...

New Hampshire Republican Torn Between Two A-Holes

He's just not sure who to vote for in the New Hampshire primary.