Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Republicans Advance Bill Allowing USPS to Open Mail Then Gather and Sell Private Information

It's not just Internet Service Providers that House Republicans think should be allowed to profit on selling your private information.

Sean Spicer To Be Replaced With ‘More Personable Hound Dog Sitting On A Dried-Up Cactus In An Ill-Fitting Suit’

Could White House Press Secetary Sean Spicer be in need of a resume brush-up? And will a hound dog in a suit sitting on a cactus replace him?

Washington Nationals Couldn’t Get Trump To Throw Their First Pitch And Went With An Orange Bag Of Diarrhea

Co-President Trump will not be throwing out the first pitch for the Washington Nationals, but something very similar will be.

Devin Nunes Spotted On Palace Grounds, Taking Intel To Jabba The Hutt

Did Congressman Devin Nunes, Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, have yet another clandestine meeting with a bloated, powerful slug?

Trump Demands Congress Probe Link Between Clinton, Obama, JFK, Loch Ness Monster, and Miley Cyrus

Donald Trump doesn't just want the Russia/Clinton uranium conspiracy investigated by Congress, he has more tinfoil transmissions to share.

Paul Ryan Resorts to Smacking Medications Out of Poor People’s Mouths

After eight years and more than 50 votes to repeal it, Paul Ryan realizes Obamacare is here to stay and needs a new plan to hurt the poor.

Congressional Republicans Lobby White House To Drop The “C” From Trump’s “Closer” Nickname

Co-President Donald Trump is often referred to by his staff by his nickname, "The Closer." Some in the GOP think it's time to change that.

Ted Koppel Suggests Sean Hannity Look Into Whether Obamacare Covers ‘Burns and Public Butt-Hurt’

Over the weekend, veteran news broadcaster Ted Koppel took Fox News host Sean Hannity out behind the woodshed, and now he wants to help Sean recover.

Angela Merkel Pays $300 Billion NATO Bill In Monopoly Money, Says It’s ‘Fake Money For A Fake President’

German Chancellor Angela Merkel is really starting to step into the her new role as leader of the free world, and sent a message to Trump.

Trump Returns From Fishing Trip With Catch He Tells Media Is 900-lb. Shark

When coming back to the White House from a fishing trip, President Trump claims to have caught a 900 pound great white shark.