Totally Bulls*it News

Jesus Told Me Only “Fascist Incel Dorks” Don’t Like Separation of Church and State

"We told them to pay Caesar what's due to Caesar for a reason. Me-stianity and politics don't mix." Jesus Hubert Christ is not a fan of Project...

Obama Offers To Trade Real Birth Certificate For Wire Tap Recordings

President Trump has been offered the material contained within Obama's wire tap but only if he hands over Obama's real birth certificate.

Sean Hannity Will Stop Defending Trump When He Finishes Sucking The President’s Dick

Fox News host and Donald acolyte Sean Hannity will stop defending the co-president as soon as he and Trump finish what they're doing at the moment.

Contents Of Obama’s Trump Wiretap Uncovered By White House Cleaning Staff

What could Obama have learned in a wiretap of Trump? We may have just found out, according to White House sources.

Jeff Sessions Hastily Stuffs Crate Of Russian Vodka And Fur Hats Into DOJ Utility Closet

A crate full of Russian goods was recently seen being jammed into a hallway closet within the Department of Justice by the new AG.

Trump Signs Executive Order Forbidding Anyone From Saying “Conflicts Of Interest” In His Presence

Co-President Trump has just come up with a very unique way to avoid any issues that might arise out of conflicts of interest.

Sessions Invokes Obscure Clause In Constitution That Says Perjury Only Applies To Democrats

According to a rarely referenced clause in the Constitution, Attorney General Jeff Sessions says he cannot be prosecuted for perjury.

Navy SEAL William “Ryan” Owens To Receive Purple Prop Award From President Trump

William "Ryan" Owens, fallen Navy SEAL from the botched Yemeni raid, will get a new honor from Co-President Trump this week.

Congress To Launch Probe Into Why Steve Bannon’s Hands Smell Like President Trump’s Ass

Many people are saying that Steve Bannon's hands have an awfully suspicious scent on them, and Congress wants to find out why.

Stephen Miller Pushing Trump To Open D.C. Blood Bank Inside The White House

Citing his special dietary needs, White House senior policy adviser Stephen Miller is hoping Trump and Bannon will build a new bank.

Sean Spicer To Undergo Breakthrough Tongue Untying Surgery

Sean Spicer often has problems getting his words out during press briefings, but is all that about to change?