Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Congressman: U.S. Needs Trump Muslim Ban Because of NYC Truck Attacker Who Was From Country Not on Ban List

"The full retail price of freedom is the willingness to have much less freedom."

Starbucks Unveils Hanukkah, Kwanza, Church of Satan Holiday Cups

"We've angered them by taking away one of the 2.3 million retailers who bombard consumers with Christmas.

Tomi Lahren Says American Flag G-String Shows ‘Patriotism and Respect’ When It Goes Up Her Ass Crack

"The fact is that when this material rests up against my clenched, angry, racist asshole it literally screams patriotism and respect."

Gowdy: Hillary Clinton is the Center of a Vast Conspiracy to Defeat Herself

"Since when in the hell did Republicans need to worry about their constituents getting mad about wasting taxpayer dollars on political theater?"

John Kelly Wins White House Costume Contest for “Racist, Old, White History Revisionist Asshole” Costume

"Other than all those compromises, what compromises were ever reached on slavery?"

Trump Announces He’s Going as Mid-Level, Truly Hilarious and Handsome Comedian for Halloween

"Can’t you let him have his fun? He has been looking forward to this all year."

Residents of Wisconsin Asked to Choose Respectful Halloween Costumes

MADISON, WISCONSIN  -- As pumpkins are carved, lanterns are lit and...