Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

White House Thanksgiving Seating Chart Seats President Trump At Kids’ Table

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Preparations are underway for a truly historic Thanksgiving...

White House Announces Donald Jr. As Turkey To Be Pardoned

THE WHITE HOUSE -- Speaking to reporters earlier today about the...

House Republicans Place Massive Wheelchair Order To Help Its Caucus Members Who Shoot Themselves In The Foot

WASHINGTON DC — In an announcement made at the Republican National...

Trump Tweets: Women “Ungrateful” To Him For Making Their Health A “Huge Talking Point”

THE WHITE HOUSE — In an early morning potty session today,...

Trump Suspends First Amendment For “Disrespectful Urbans Who Play Pro Sports”

"Nowhere in the Constitution does it say that urbans are allowed to make white people think."

Trump Will Only Pardon Turkey That Voted For Him

"There are at least 63 million turkeys to choose from in this country."

Nation’s Famous, Elderly, Manipulative, Mentally Unstable Psychopath Cult Leader Inventories Cut In Half Overnight

"That leaves the United States in a precarious position with just one famous, elderly, manipulative, mentally unstable psychopath to carry the load."