Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Man Who Got C’s In English Demands Immigrants ‘Speak American’ or Go Home

HOBART, ARKANSAS -- Back in high school, Clem O'Connell was not...

Trump: “The Access Hollywood Tape Is As Real As My First Lady’s Orgasms”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a surprising development, President Donald Trump has...

Local Mouth Breather Thinks Egypt Should Implement Trump’s Muslim Ban After Mosque Attack

"Clearly what the cucks don't want us to see is that Muslim bans work."

You’ve Never Met Donald Trump’s Girlfriend, Okay? She Doesn’t Go To School Here.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today President Trump continued his escalating war of...

Kellyanne Conway Desperately Trying to Reach Michael Flynn Via The Microwave Network

"The president understands that Mr. Flynn is a fine, upstanding grazhdanin."

Tubetop Lahren Sees White Athlete Kneel During National Anthem, Head Literally Explodes

"Don't they understand it's only going to encourage these uppity urbans to do this more?"

President Obama Announces He’s Spending Thanksgiving “Not Giving A Fuck” On Pacific Island

"There’s just so much going on in the world today, and it’s nice just not giving a fuck."