Elton John And Donald Trump To Release Collaboration Of Their Greatest Hits In Time For Christmas

Published on

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — At a press conference in New York today, legendary musical icon Elton John announced a new collection of his greatest hits are to be rewritten and rerecorded in a new collaboration with New York native and President of the United States, Donald J. Trump.

Speaking to reporters, the Your Song writer said, “I mean it’s just a natural collaboration, isn’t it? Me, the composer of The Lion King, and the President, the creator of the Lying King, do you know what I mean?”

While the full list of songs on the album is yet to be announced, a small teaser of tracks was given away at the Press Conference.

Paying homage to Trump’s first year in office, the single of the album will be a reworked version of the Elton classic: “Rocket Man,” with the new chorus lyrics.

“And I think it’s going to be a short short time, ‘till Mueller brings me ’round again to find, I’m not the man they think is innocent, oh no no no Kim Jong Un is a rocket man, short and fat burning out his fuse up here alone.”

Other classic hits so far announced to be featuring on the album include the popular Christmas song “Step into Christmas,” which will be retitled “Step into Prison” and feature the new opening lines, “Welcome to my prison song, I’d like to thank you for the year (even the losers and haters), so I’m sending you this prison card, to say crooked Hillary is who should be in here.”

Speaking further about the role Mr Trump has played in the creation of this album, Elton told reporters, “Well he’s had a big role. Big role, you know what I mean? When someone from the White House first suggested this idea to me, they said that the President has been learning how to play the recorder as his first instrument in the after work playgroup the daycare staff run there, you know? So Donald has worked to rewrite three songs completely on his own that will feature on the album — Don’t Go Breaking My Non-Disclosure Agreement, and Here’s a Spade, Put My Son Jr. Down, Before He Talks Dirt on Me.” 

Asked whether he and Mr Trump would be touring with their new album next year, Elton replied, “Well it all depends, doesn’t it? On this Russia investigation thing and all that, it’s hard to know if he’ll be in prison or not in the next few months. I mean I’d like to take it on the road, definitely. I usually fill out places like Madison Square Garden and all that, it’s been a while since I’ve been able to perform to the smaller size audiences that the President attracts, you know what I mean? But it would be nice to connect with the audience in more intimate venues.”

Upon being asked about Trump’s involvement in the upcoming album during today’s press briefing, White House Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, said, “The President is certainly excited about this opportunity. This will be the most popular album ever released, but we’re not yet sure if the the album is going to be certified gold — At the very least, we know that the President is though.”

More satire:

Comet Pizza Unveils New Roy Moore Signature Pie: 14 Year Old Meat On Old Dried Up Cracker

Latest articles

I Asked a Klansman If He’s Voting For Biden Since They’re Both Democrats. He Punched Me.

"Man, it's really true what they say about Democrats. They're snowflakes." We all know a...

For Conservatives, Fart Naps Are Quickly Replacing Power Naps

"While some might casually observe the irony in someone who belittles his opponent as...

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...