Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Crosses Outside Crosswalk And John Dowd, His Lawyer, Argues Presidents Can’t Jaywalk

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- John Dowd, personal lawyer to President Donald Trump,...

Trump Voter Wants Taco Bell Shut Down For ‘Being Too Mexican’

"I have to settle for a Chalupa and a seven layer burrito and I have to leave my gun in the car."

RNC To Recruit New Candidates From States’ Sexual Offender Registries

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Republican National Committee has announced a new...

President Trump Says Billy Bush Doesn’t Exist And Is A Chinese Hoax

"Billy Bush is part of a Chinese hoax, just like climate change."

Anthony Scaramucci Publishes “Not Much Happened,” A Memoir Of His Time In The White House

LONDON, ENGLAND -- Blue Lens Publishing has announced that they have...

Trey Gowdy Promises To Get To Bottom Of Connection Between Michael Flynn’s Russian Contacts And Benghazi

"Hillary Clinton is clearly to blame for this, as she is to blame for literally everything that has ever happened."

Local Rube Looks Forward To Never Spending Money That Will Never Trickle Down To Him After GOP Tax Cuts

"There's all kinds of things I just can't wait to never afford like food, medicine, and housing."