Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Asks John Kelly If Taxpayers Will Still Pay For His Golf Outing Security During Government Shutdown

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sources within the White House are telling reporters...

U.S. Adds Its Best Athlete To Winter Olympics Team And He Will Compete In All Events

COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO -- In a surprising and completely unforeseen development,...

Starburst Announces New Flavor: Trump’s Rectum

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS -- Over the weekend, word broke that Rep. Kevin...

Trump Blames Weekend Missile Warning Scare On President Of Hawaii’s Incompetence

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This past weekend, residents in Hawaii were treated...

President Trump Promises Delivery Of TIE Fighters To Normay

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, President Trump continued his efforts to solidify...

First Blind Winner At International Staring Contest Championship

OSLO, NORWAY -- History was made this weekend at the International...

Emperor Palpatine Tells Vader He Doesn’t Want Any Shithole Planets Joining The Empire

CORUSCANT, INNER CORE -- Sources close to the High Galactic Emperor...