Man Worried He Has To Get Swastika Tattoo If He Has Criticisms Of “The Last Jedi”

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A local man in his late thirties expressed concerns this week that if he airs any of his grievances with “Star Wars: The Last Jedi,” he’ll be forced to get a tattoo in the shape of the Nazi swastika. Skip Malloy told us over coffee and doughnuts at a nearby pastry shop that he liked the overwhelming majority of the eighth installment in the Skywalker saga, but that he had some “minor quibbles” about the film as well.

“I didn’t like that Yoda, as a Force Ghost, could conjure up thunder. That seemed like something that broke the accepted rules of how the Force works,” Malloy told us. “It’s just little things like that, really, that irked me. Overall it was a damn good film and I loved the new characters quite a bit.”

When Skip went to his regular social media groups and pages to discuss the latest Star Wars film, however, he says he was “shocked, blown away, and really bummed out” by how many complaints he saw that he says “look like they were deleted annotations from Mein Kampf.”

“The alt-right guys really lit this movie up. It was kinda gross. Call me crazy, but I don’t have a problem with Asian people in Star Wars,” Skip told us. “Not just because I don’t have any problems with Asian people in general, but because it’s a universe with faster than light travel, wizards that use magical powers and wield lightsabers, and oh yeah, made-up alien species that aren’t white protestant males. But man did the neckbeards lose their shit over Rose being played by an Asian American actress.”

Mr. Malloy has been a fan of the Star Wars franchise from a very early age. Some of his first memories are watching The Return of the Jedi in the theater with his mother. He says he’s learned over time that the films outside the original three might be a case of “be careful what you wish for,” but that he’s never complained about the race of the actor playing a character, even if he didn’t like the character over all.

However, in the case of The Last Jedi, Skip says he very much liked the majority of the picture, he just had some issues with some of the storytelling aspects. Malloy, though, says he probably won’t be talking about his criticisms online, for fear of being lumped in with people who have racist and misogynist complaints.

“I just think they created a lot of plot holes and maybe dumped on the original films a bit too much for my liking, but I don’t think Asian people have no place in Star Wars for Chrissakes,” Skip told us. “I don’t want to have to get a Swastika tattoo just to register my pretty trivial complaint about a film.”

The Last Jedi is still in theaters.

You can read satire like this every day on The Political Garbage Chute and Alternative Facts.

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