WASHINGTON, D.C. — In court documents filed today, former President Barack Obama is suing current Kinda President Donald Trump for libel, stemming from the “years of racist rhetoric” about Obama’s birth certificate that Trump participated in as one of the loudest proponents of Birtherism.

Birtherism is the belief that Obama was not born in America, and therefore his presidency was illegitimate. Mr. Obama was the only president in American history to have his birth status questioned, and Trump was chief among those calling for ever more scrutiny of his birth certificate. Though Obama would ultimately debunk the conspiracy theory many times in his presidency, today he filed a lawsuit against Trump claiming the “multiple lies and slanderous accusations” caused damage to his reputation. Obama did admit in his filing, however, that his reputation was damaged “among people who still think they can win the Civil War for the South,” and that he might not have had much of a good reputation with them anyway.

“When President Trump was Citizen Trump, he spent years attacking my birth status, sewing the seeds of doubt in the hearts of many Americans who were already angry that a Democrat was the president, much less a black one,” Obama’s court filings say. “As a result, I have been labeled a Secret Kenyan Communist Sharia loving Muslim, and it was surely cost me speaking gigs at various universities in the South, and other red state areas.”

Obama says he got the idea to sue Trump from Trump’s own statements about libel laws. Speaking to the press during a cabinet meeting, the president said he wants to

“We are going to take a strong look at our country’s libel laws, so that when somebody says something that is false and defamatory about someone, that person will have meaningful recourse in our courts.” (The Failing New York Times)

“I produced and re-produced my long form, Hawaiian birth certificate numerous times,” Obama said, “and yet it was not until Mr. Trump was forced by the politics of the 2016 election that he conceded, finally, I was born in America. If anyone is the walking, talking, literal definition of libel, it’s this tiny-fingered, miniature man.”

The White House did not respond to comment or tweet with foamy-mouthed anger about this developing story.

You can read satire like this every day on The Political Garbage Chute and Alternative Facts.

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