Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Pat Robertson Blames Coronavirus on 2015 Supreme Court Gay Marriage Decision

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- The United States Supreme Court ruled in...

Wayne LaPierre: Obama Confiscated So Many Guns Americans Were Left Defenseless Against Coronavirus

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA -- NRA CEO and Executive Vice-President Wayne LaPierre told...

Confused Health Guru Contracts COVID-19 Despite Using His Best Turmeric Chakra Cleanse

KARMA VALLEY, OREGON -- 53-year-old self-described "health guru" Pat Kinnerson just...

Trump Tells Gaetz and Nunes to Put On Masks and Gloves Before Licking His Balls

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When Congressmen Matt Gaetz (R-Floriduh) and Devin Nunes...

Trump Wants To Bring Supporters Into COVID-19 Briefings Because ‘They’re Pretty Much Rallies Anyway’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- White House Press Lush Stephanie Grisham is, allegedly,...

Jesus Sees Image of Potato Chip in Bathroom Mirror

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This weekend, Jesus Hubert Christ, son...