Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Here You Go Plebs, Here’s $600. Thanks For the Salary and Healthcare.

The following editorial was written by Speaker of the House Nancy...

Biden Transition Team Serves Trump With Eviction Papers

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, the Biden transition team officially served outgoing...

Ron Johnson Open to $1200 Covid Relief Checks for Russian Citizens

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell spoke from the...

Mike Flynn Says Trump Can Remain Президент навсегда

MOSCOW, RHODE ISLAND -- Pardoned traitor against the United States, General...

Pence Told Reporters He’s Been ‘Poked By Enough Guys’ Before Not to Be Nervous About Coronavirus Vaccine

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, wearing a short-sleeved, plaid print button-up...

Biden Promises to Only Pack the Supreme Court With Two Obamas

DELAWARE -- The subject of "packing" the Supreme Court came up...

Biden Aide Apologizes to Motherfuckers for Inadvertantly Shortening Their Name

For four years now, Republicans have largely told the rest of...

Ron Johnson: “It’s a Problem That People Don’t Have Faith in the Election I Keep Talking Shit About”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Comrade Senator Ronald Johnsoninski told reporters today that...

Mexico Sends $0.00 Check For Last Wall Payment

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- When he ran for president in 2015...