Pence Told Reporters He’s Been ‘Poked By Enough Guys’ Before Not to Be Nervous About Coronavirus Vaccine

Published on

WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning, wearing a short-sleeved, plaid print button-up shirt, outgoing Vice President Mike Pence received a dose of a coronavirus vaccine.

Pence took the vaccine dose in an effort to encourage other Americans to get one when it becomes available to them. Over the course of the last couple of weeks, vaccines from Moderna and Pfizer have been given rush approval from the FDA. Many consider it a triumph of modern medicine and science that a vaccine, let alone multiples, were developed in such a short time. Pence was asked if he was nervous or anxious before getting the shot.

Ron Johnson: “It’s a Problem That People Don’t Have Faith in the Election I Keep Talking Shit About”

“No, not even in the slightest,” Pence said. “For starters, these vaccines were developed as a direct result of our Dear President, the man whose buttcheeks I am so grateful to have spent many hours in such close proximity to over these past four years, literally telling the pharmaceutical companies that they should look into this new thing called vaccines. So under his strong leadership, this vaccine came about.”

Pence stopped as he watched the doctor preparing his dose.

“Besides, more the point, I’m not nervous about getting this shot because I’m a big boy,” Pence said. “Mother reminded me I’m a big boy today, and that big boys who get their shots get ice cream afterwards.”

Even if the ice cream reward from his wife, Mother, wasn’t in play, Pence says he still would not have had a “shred of doubt or worry” about getting the vaccine administered.

“The simple truth is that I have been poked by enough guys before to not be worried about this time,” Pence said, motioning toward the doctor about to give him the shot, “and this guy is one of the most handsome ones ever. So talk about a win-win. Wait. What was I saying?”

MORE: Ghosts of Christmases Past, Present, Future Confirm McConnell Has No Soul to Save

Like what you read? Consider becoming a paid Facebook subscriber, or signing up for my Patreon.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

Latest articles

If I Don’t Have a Biden Flag, Biden Shoes, or Biden Bible, Am I Really Voting for Biden?

PROF. McTERRY: And who won the election? JAMES: Well, I don't fuck my cousin, so I know...

I Asked a Klansman If He’s Voting For Biden Since They’re Both Democrats. He Punched Me.

"Man, it's really true what they say about Democrats. They're snowflakes." We all know a...

For Conservatives, Fart Naps Are Quickly Replacing Power Naps

"While some might casually observe the irony in someone who belittles his opponent as...

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...