Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Nation’s Airports Suffering From Revolutionary War Travel Numbers

DENVER, COLORADO --  A recent study done on our nation’s airports...

Mitch McConnell Buys Aunt Jemima Syrup But Puts the Bottle in the Back of the Cart

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell was recently spotted...

Ivanka: “Why Would Daddy Excite an Erection When He Knows That’s My Job?”

LAKE PARIAH, FLORIDA -- Life after her father left the White...

AOC Reiterates She’ll Never Fuck Anyone Who Writes For the Babylon Bee

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- No matter how many attempts at satire they...

High Energy Alpha Male Too Chickenshit to Testify Under Oath About the Insurrection He Started

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In the late 1990's President William Jefferson Clinton...

Colin Kaepernick Would Like a Word With Jim Jordan About “Cancel Culture”

SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA -- Former NFL quarterback and activist Colin Kaepernick...

Man in MAGA Hat Burning Cross Says Democrats Are the ‘Real Racists’

WALLACE, GEORGIA -- A man in a MAGA hat burning a...